Hello! I want an advice – I have put myself into such a stupid situation that I no longer know how to get out of it. It may be hard to believe, but I am 28 years old and I am still “a virgin”. No, I haven’t lived under a stone all these years, I don’t belong to any religious sect, and apart from that fact, it would be hard find anything that makes me weird. ”
Lots of success in life
“According to public standards I am even too normal. I studied very well at school, I also graduated from musical school, I passed all the exams with high grades, my parents never had any problems with me. Later I entered university, and studied specialty I have been dreaming of since high school. Studies were difficult so I learnd practically nonstop. I finished both a bachelor’s and a master’s degree.
Now I already have a stable and successful career. There seems to be nothing missing in my life, I am an independent girl and I stand firmly on my feet. ”
Self-realization was more important than parties
“However, I do not understand how I haven’t been able to establish a romantic relationship so far. My sexual experience is completely zero. While all my friends were raging of hormones in the last few years of school, I was preparing for exams and it seemed like I just didn’t have time for the boys.
Later in the first year of college, I heard countless stories of endless parties and project work that had been written the night before, but I was too focused on my success, not allowing myself to relax. ”
Only a few close friends know
“You would probably think that I am ugly or uncommunicable, but I valued myself quite highly. I have some close friends and only they know my “secret”. I reassured myself for up to 24 years that I don’t have to hurry just because “everyone does so.”
Later, I was just ashamed of this fact. As soon as I had a warmer relationship with a guy I liked, I went on a couple of dates and flirted. But when it came to intimate relationships, I lied and acted as if I had experienced sex. In fact, I was scared and ashamed of myself. I haven’t gone beyond kisses and caresses yet. ”
The guy I like doesn’t even know about it
“But recently I met a very nice guy. We immediately felt some strange connection. We talked completely freely on the first date, it seemed that we had known each other for a long time. The biggest trouble is that without thinking I lied that I lost my virginity at the age of 18 (I know, stupid).
We have met 3 times – I think the further it leads, the less chance there is to escape the confrontation. I can choose the usual scenario – to end the relationship out of the blue, but I am tired of lying to myself and others. I feel that everything is different with him than with previous guys – he attracts me a lot, we have similar values in life, our characters are the same.
I would like to know how to move things forward? I am ashamed to lie to him. I am afraid that even if I dare to tell the truth, he will leave me. Maybe I should just try to pretend that I have had sex in my life? I have no idea what to do. I really need advice. Thank you! ”
You have to be open about it
Firstly, it is important to emphasize that there is nothing abnormal if a 28-year-old still has not ‘lost her virginity‘.
Rachel Keller, an American psychotherapist, explains that the stigmatization of virginity is very common in our society – people are ashamed of it and very often lie about it like the author of the letter. Prolonged feelings of shame can damage an individual’s psychological state, creating a misconception about relationships and sex life.
In this case, therapy can help to find out why a person is having difficulty making intimate physical contact with another person.
Openness to the guy is especially important in this situation – it will help the author to get rid of the long-standing shame and will be the first step in recognizing that she is worthy of love, regardless of whether she has had sex.