The acronym BDSM refers to sexual acts and hobbies related to showing power, control and humility in a relationship. It is sometimes mistakenly believed that these actions always lead to sexual intercourse. This is not true at all, as BDSM may also not be associated with sex.
The acronym consists of the terms:
- B – Bondage
- D – Dominance
- S – Sadism
- M – Mazochism
What beginners need to know?
If you have decided to try some BDSM, it’s normal that it may seem complicated, confusing, and even scary at first, so here are some guidelines you can follow.
Talk about it with your partner – BDSM doesn’t start in a physical, but in a psychological and emotional relationship, so first find out if you both want the same thing. Talk about your fears, desires and things you don’t want to do. An open conversation can ease tension and discomfort, as well as increase mutual trust, which is important in BDSM activities.
Take care of your sex toys – the range of BDSM toys is confusingly large, so start with easier-to-use toys such as handcuffs, whips or feathers for tickling. If you choose more sophisticated toys, be sure to read their instructions and don’t be afraid to learn if you do not understand how to use them. A lot of useful information can be found online, for example, here.
Discuss the scenario – you will feel much safer if you think about how your BDSM games might look. The online magazine Bustle has a great list of things to start with. For instance:
- Mild to moderate hair pulling,
- Gentle slap,
- Use of rude language,
- Binding with a scarf,
- Tieing to the bed,
- Biting,
- Use of various sex toys,
- Hot wax.
The most important thing is safety – don’t forget that you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. BDSM is not a competition – who will suffer more pain or break more boundaries. It is a practice based on trust and a strong emotional connection.
Mutual consent and the safeword
Any participant must be aware that the safeword is essential to any BDSM activity. When the word is spoken, any action taken at that time must be stopped. The safeword can be any word that is not used in normal BDSM practice. It is not advisable to choose the word “stop”, as it is often used in various teasing games. It is better to choose words that are not completely related to sex, such as “tree” or similar.
A “traffic light system” is also often used. “Green” means that what the partner is doing is acceptable and he or she can continue. “Yellow” means that you need a break for a moment and you have almost reached your limit. “Red“, of course, means that the partner’s activities must be stopped immediately. The BDSM rules are strict, so you must agree on what and how you will do before any activity begins.
BDSM dictionary
As BDSM is a very broad and versatile field, it is worth getting to know its rules. You can read more about the terms and concepts here, but below are the main keywords for BDSM:
- Aftercare – When the BDSM act is over, it is necessary to take care of each other emotionally and physically. Usually the dominant partner takes care of the submissive.
- Age play – When one of the partners takes on the role of an older person and the other on the role of a younger one. For example, stepfather and daughter.
- Breath play – One partner has complete control over the other’s breathing (this includes strangulation, holding their breath, etc.).
- Drop – A feeling of physical and emotional exhaustion after an act of BDSM. This can be experienced by both the dominant and the submissive partner. May cause sadness, crying, trembling.
- Dungeon – A place where BDSM games take place. It can be a house, an apartment, a club or any other specially furnished room.
- Gender play – When partners play the role of the opposite sex.
- Hard limits – Restrictions that a person will not do in BDSM activities.
- Impact play – When the action involves striking the body with various instruments (hand, stick, whip, etc.).
- Role play – When people accept a different identity during an act. For example, a doctor, a police officer, a student, a teacher, etc.
- Soft limits – Things a person might want to try.
- 24/7 – When people are regularly (24 hours a day, seven days a week) involved in BDSM activities.
- Vanilla sex – A sexual relationship that does not involve any BDSM practice.