“Marriage without sex. Loss of libido. Never feel an orgasm. Reluctance to have sex with a man I love. At the age of 28, this was not the life I had imagined. Or rather, it was very far from what I had ever imagined, ” begins her honest confession to the Huffington Post with airline expert Intimacy and Sex, Airina Fair, who talks about the coolness of sex and giving in to what she really wants.
“I felt my sexual appetite from an early age – sex was important to me. However, as I quickly entered into a loving and close relationship, my libido waned. At first, the natural lubricant disappeared, it was painful to sleep. Feeling uncomfortable, ashamed, and alone, I avoided any intimacy with my husband, focusing on shopping, cooking, and homework.
Internally broken, incorrigible and worthless – I can’t escape self-deprecation. When everything turned out to be normal after the doctor’s visits, my doctor shared the holiest conclusion: “It is” normal “for a woman to lose her libido after several years in a relationship.”
I wanted to shout because nothing related to this seemed normal. Sticking to the last hope, I asked myself the question: have I been completely confused to think that it would be better if there was some “proof” in the situation that my body simply could no longer do it?
When I could hardly hold on to rational thoughts, my inner support whispered in front of me to fasten, and so I began my journey to self-knowledge. It was a journey that took me not only to my original destination, but far beyond its borders.
I had a feeling that something was missing. Something that is much superior to medical care – my connection to the body, genitals, and sexuality. It was this connection that was the key to my ability to live a fulfilling and fulfilling life. My quest helped me connect with my body, my desires, which not only made me feel good but literally nourished my soul.
There are no secrets to fantastic sex life in my dowry chest because only you can solve your problems. But I have found a way to find myself so that one can feel free in one’s body, feel excited, and have lust, which is reinforced by one’s own convictions. As an expert on intimacy and sex, this time I will share some insights that will hopefully inspire you to believe that you too can have this type of experience.
Feeling that someone craves you is not enough. It is necessary to learn to covet
“Look great to capture his attention, and he’ll put the whole world at your feet.” In the modern sense, “being sexual” is like being in the eyes of a man. Point. It also seemed normal for me to focus on my external lust – I never questioned that. I paid much more attention to how my body visually caught his attention than how it made him feel. I paid much more attention to my thoughts, quietly pondering what I was doing than to how my body was feeling. I was worried that by saying what made me ascend to heaven, I would offend his feelings.
The truth was this: I didn’t know how to feel what I wanted. I was overwhelmed by helplessness that I could not overcome. I had never learned how to have sex in my life to reach the pinnacle of my pleasure.
I started asking myself questions: what do I want? What makes me feel good? Can I give myself the green light for lust and hunger for sex just the way I wanted it? And can I ask for that?
These mostly innocent questions are now often asked by my clients, women, and men, at the highest points of their careers and lives, unfortunately without realizing what they are enjoying. They are not “spoiled” – in a way, we are all stuck in this situation, thinking about the wishes of others and expecting recognition from each other, instead of truly experiencing the peaks of pleasure ourselves. And when we stop being ashamed of our desires for a moment and start focusing on ourselves, our bodies have never felt so alive, full of energy, and glorified.
If sex is not 100% pleasant for you, your body will not want it anymore
Let’s be real. I’ve had sex so often before I’ve actually been ready for it. Before I was naughty, excited, and praying for it. Too many times I held my breath instead of asking my partner not to rush. And there have been so many times when he reaches orgasm (which was every time), but I didn’t. I convinced myself that this was “normal”, although I longed for such an experience. Thoughts came to my mind like, “And if I asked for something he hadn’t done so far, and that would push him away, would he put him in an awkward situation? What if he thinks he’s not interested in me? ”
I chose to be silent because it was easier. However, this had consequences. My body responded according to what was going on in the bedroom. I ended up, I lost my life, you could say I became frigid.
Here is the truth that every woman should hear: every time we do not feel comfortable during sex, we will want to engage in this process less and less.
Our bodies are smart. They speak on our behalf – first fine threads, then desperate cries. It is our job to listen to them.
There was no medical explanation for losing my libido. When I didn’t say a word when I wasn’t feeling well, my body stopped getting any kind of pleasure. I gave without a chance to get anything back. I endured what didn’t make me feel good. My libido is fading because I left it myself. But my goal was to find it.
When I asked exactly what and how I wanted, I began to feel touch, attention, movement, silence, and intimacy. Orgasm after orgasm and I felt my body feel again and I am aroused. The physical pleasure was not the only thing that made me feel good. I let go of shame and fear. That was the cause of the giant agitation.
Truth is the greatest excitement
I asked what I really wanted, said ‘no’ boldly, and expressed my feelings without any prohibitions – the truth excited me. Where I used to feel insecure and scared, I risked finding the freedom that fascinated me. Thinking about who I wanted to be, I began to fall in love with myself. If before that sex caused me anxiety from which it was impossible to escape, I learned how to control it and become open. Realizing my truth, I felt my heart beating faster. I wanted sex again. And I also aroused people around me – partners who equally coveted me in an open and close relationship.
If you ever want to try how it makes you feel, experiment. When you hear the little heartbeat whisper “I can’t say it,” please say it! Watch what happens to you. Gradually, greater truths are formed and revealed.
And remember, it’s not about you having to introduce your partner to a huge revolution, it’s about you and your ability to be open with yourself and who you are.
To tell the truth, we are open and allow our partners to get to know us more deeply. It is about intimacy and connection, a conversation between souls. And that’s what I wanted from the beginning, but I was too scared to face it. “