“Our married life is pretty good, we love each other, but I have long wanted more variety in the intimate area. I have told my wife about it several times – she either gently refuses or gets angry as if I were some kind of maniac.
But is it bad if I want to experiment? After all, I want to do it with her, not some other woman. The last topic we talked about was anal sex for me. As a result, my wife drove me into new complexes. Please advise – should I break up and look for someone else, or is there any way I can talk to him about this?” – Bill, 38
Psychologist Sandra Brown answers on Psychologies:
“Bil, for some reason your wife doesn’t want to experiment in the bedroom. Generally, people don’t want something that they don’t think is worth their attention, time, or something that they don’t find interesting or acceptable.
I recommend that you think about it – are the experiments that you want so much enjoyable for your wife as well, or do they seem interesting to her? If not, what have you done about it and have you done enough to make them attractive to her? Have your suggestions turned into pressure?
Have you ever thought about the anal sex and preparation for it, without which it can be painful and unpleasant? Maybe she is afraid of it. You wrote “anal sex for me”. And what does that mean for her? Have you discussed security measures?
My point is that you don’t seem to be hearing her say “no”, maybe she doesn’t want to experiment because she doesn’t believe she could stop you if she had to. Then it’s better not to risk it.
Divorce or not is up to you, so I would start by asking if you listen to your wife and hear why she doesn’t want. And do you know what role she has in your sex life? Maybe these questions are the ones to start with.”