“We have regular sex, which is very nice, but it is too short and only for him – oriented only to his needs and desires. This means that he is the main one in sex, which is usually a quick act and that’s it. I’m not satisfied with this, what can I do about it?” asks the reader of “The Guardian”.
She continues: “At first we talked about it and he asked me to explain what I wanted. But when I tried it, he insisted that he loved what he was doing and didn’t want anything new. This goes on too long. I want a shared sex life, not one that’s just for him. Can you help me deal with this?”
This question is answered by Pamela Stephenson, a psychotherapist who specializes in the therapy of sexual disorders.
“Some people are very concerned about their ‘imagined’ role in a sexual relationship, which is to help their partner experience pleasure and orgasm, and this may be why your partner has become stubborn because he feels that he will never be able to meet your needs.
He may just be selfish, but thinking that way won’t get you what you want! Try to approach this problem from a different angle – maybe he needs a different approach because he may be afraid of disappointment.
Many women have found that taking 100% responsibility for their own pleasure also results in mutual satisfaction. Try to find ways to increase your pleasure and joy during lovemaking. One technique involves masturbating with a hand or sex toy during intercourse. In fact, many partners find it particularly arousing and as a result want to give their partner more.
Be patient and be sure to support your partner! Be clear about what you want and be sure to reward him if you feel he has made an effort.
Above all, remember that you have the right to be heard and the right to provide yourself with quality sex!”