Orgasm faking has been a hot topic for some time, often sparking debates with varying opinions. Some justify the efforts of women (and also men) to fake an orgasm, others have the opposite opinion. We are just gonna share some observations on why you shouldn’t fake an orgasm.
Is fake orgasm common?
In 2010, The Journal of Sex Research published a study that showed that a 50% of women and 25% of men have faked an orgasm during sex. To the question of why the interviewees decided to fake an orgasm, there were different answers – some didn’t want to offend their partner, others felt that they are no gonna reach an orgasm, so they wanted to end sexual intercourse as soon as possible. There were also those who believed that if orgasm is always achieved in pornography, it must also be a normal phenomenon in reality, and if you can’t reach an orgasm, there is something wrong with you.
A study conducted by Kinky in 2019 showed even worse statistics – 87% of surveyed women and 69% of men have faked an orgasm at least once in their life.
However, there are different opinions about the false orgasm. Lux Alptraum, the author of the book “Faking It: The Lies Women Tell About Sex – and the Truths They Reveal”, has heard women say that it is the pressure to orgasm itself, not the lack of it, that prevents them from enjoying erotic activities.
They believe that the absence of an orgasm does not necessarily mean that they both have not enjoyed sex. Orgasm for them is like a climax, which sometimes comes, sometimes not – sex without orgasm is also a unique pleasure and not a big disappointment.
Why should you never fake an orgasm?
Faking an orgasm is not the best solution in a couple’s sex life. Let’s look at some simple reasons:
1. Your partner will never understand what you really like
Many people fake an orgasm in order not to offend their partner. The problem is that if we pretend to like what our partner is doing, they will continue to do it. It’s like a vicious circle – repeating the same actions every time without feeling an orgasm.
To break this unpleasant chain, the most direct solution to the problem is a conversation. Express your needs openly, for example by saying things like “how about we try this pose today?” or “I’d like you to touch me here and this way”, showing what is meant.
2. Partners move away from each other
A 2014 study published in the journal “Communication Monographs” found that people who had orgasms were more open and talkative after sex. It stimulates the release of the “love hormone” oxytocin during orgasm, which helps bond with your partner. Oxytocin may not be released after faking an orgasm, so it may be harder to feel that closeness.
3. Your partner can understand that the orgasm is not real
A real, intense orgasm expresses itself in several qualities that are difficult to fake. For example, involuntarily shaking legs, altered breathing, internal muscle contractions, even our facial expressions and involuntary sounds we unconsciously make during pleasure show that we are experiencing a genuine orgasm. It’s really not easy to play all this, so the partner may suspect that something is wrong. Then two bad things can happen – he/she will lose trust either in himself/herself or in you.
4. Sex should be a pleasure, not a headache
Sex should be pleasant and give only good emotions – if sex becomes work, during the whole process you have to think about how to play orgasm correctly. After such “work”, the libido can decrease significantly, because sex does not bring nor pleasure – nor orgasm.
5. Sex is not just about orgasm
This is what makes sex special – it can be pleasant even without reaching orgasm. Orgasm is like dessert at a 3-course dinner – even if you don’t eat dessert, the rest of the dinner is still great. Therefore, you should not focus only on the climax – it is better to relax and go on a long journey of pleasure without thinking about orgasm. When you don’t think, you don’t want to and you don’t need to act it out.