“I read an article about a conversation between a woman and a man about the so-called “open relationship” (you can read the article here). I can only say that I think this approach is very naive. I will share my and my husband’s experience – what we did when we had a relationship crisis.
My husband and I have been together for many years. Of course, at the very beginning of our marriage, we didn’t need other people. We’ve been friends since school and are each other’s first and (hopefully) last love.
We started nurturing our relationship from an early age. We got married young, we were only 18 years old. Children appeared early, when we were not even in our 20s.
Now we are around 40. We are still young, the children are not small anymore and they don’t need so much care and attention anymore. You can say that we finally have time for a relationship. We have a house, the studies are finished, we have nice jobs – there is all the basis for us to simply enjoy life.
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But a couple of years ago we had a relationship crisis. We started to argue a lot, we were finished by the normal routine. Everything had already been tried in bed, so it seemed that there was no taste in life anymore. Everything got boring.
We love each other, we are best friends, family. But sex no longer brought as much joy as in a new relationship. It happened that we both started looking at others. Here a beautiful woman winked at him, there a nice man smiled at me. It brings a lot of joy to life. And after returning home – the same routine again.
So my husband and I sat down and decided that we will not destroy our family because of some “butterflies”. That what we have created is sacred and untouchable. We admitted to each other that sex had become boring.
We agreed that we put each other first and it would be interesting to see how it would be with others. So we decided on an open relationship. We have rules that we follow. That it can’t be one long term partner, and that family is always a priority.
Also, we don’t get too involved in each other’s details and we don’t tell each other in detail what we did and with whom. We also do not lie to other people, we are saying that we are married and do not want any serious relationship. We have relationships with each other, and with others there is only sex, pleasure.
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The first time I found out that my husband slept with someone else was painful. But come to think of it, who am I to judge him? I love him and it is important to me that he is happy. He has the same opinion.
He admitted that for the first time he also had the idea of punching the man who touched his wife. But we have come to the conclusion that jealousy only destroys relationships and trust. And we trust each other.
When we are with others and have simply enjoyed the adventure, we come back to each other. The relationship has only become stronger. We are still friends, lovers, but we do not limit ourselves if we want to have sex with other people we like.
What matters most is what is in the heart, and in the heart is love. Everything else is just physical satisfaction. If this relationship model satisfies both, then I see nothing wrong with it. It just adds to everyday life.”