Women’s sexual desire may be no less strong than men’s, but insecurities about their appearance and the habit of ignoring the signals of their body do not allow a woman to fully enjoy sex with a partner. Here are four exercises that will help increase a woman’s libido.
“When a man is at the peak of ecstasy, he doesn’t care what his partner’s breasts look like, he doesn’t even open his eyes,” says psychologist Cindy Meston, author of research in the “Journal of Sexual Medicine”. “Woman, on the contrary, thinks, ‘I need to change my position as soon as possible, my breasts look saggy!’ Men are at peace with it, it’s just a matter of women’s self-esteem. “
Uncertainty about her physical attractiveness is not the only factor that prevents a woman from enjoying sex. Another reason is that a woman’s consciousness is often “not accompanied” by physiological arousal.
Until recently, it was thought that physiological arousal and a person’s subjective arousal were interrelated – that is, a man who has an erection or a woman who is experiencing blood flow to her genitals should also experience sexual desire at this point. But it turns out that this applies more to men than women.
Meredith Chivers, a sexologist at the University of Toronto, analyzed the results of more than a hundred scientific studies measuring the level of physiological arousal in men and women while watching erotic videos. The men’s statements about their arousal were in line with the results of their genital measurements. But for women – not.
Chivers found that the longer women watched erotic videos, the more different the two types of arousal were. Women need more time for the brain to reach the body. That is why they need foreplay before sexual intercourse.
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“Most women do not listen to the signals sent to them by their genitals; we are not used to pay attention to them,” says Cindy Meston. “A woman’s genitals are not large, they are not visible, and the changes that take place in them are not so obvious as to provoke a mental reaction and an insistent desire to satisfy the demands of her body. If a man experiences a strong erection, he can’t help but notice it, so he reacts accordingly. ”
According to Chivers, the different degrees of harmony between subjective and physiological arousal in both sexes may have biological causes. There are researches showing that men have a better understanding of their bodies. For example, men have a more developed internal (interoceptive) consciousness: a man can better determine the frequency of his pulse.
It is possible that the harmony of mind and body during men’s physical arousal is due to the fact that their mind receives signals directly and only from the body, while women are “attuned” to a wider range – the situation in general and personal perceptions of their sexuality.
How to increase libido?
Psychologist Lori Brotto has developed a sexual perception program for women who complain of low libido. Its main purpose is to combine the senses of mind and body.
1. Meditation
When disturbing thoughts arise, focus your mind on the activities that take place here and now. How to achieve this? Take a simple object – a button, an earring, a raisin – and slowly explore it from all sides: by touch, sight, smell, taste. If thoughts begin to “wander away”, carefully and calmly guide them back to the object. Exercise for 10 minutes a day: while walking, eating, washing dishes.
You can also meditate in the traditional way – close your eyes and focus completely on the breathing process. It will help to train the mind and “be present” even during intimate activities.
2. Explore your body
Learn to ignore thoughts about your physical strengths and weaknesses during sex. Train to look at your body without embarrassment and complexity. Watch your body in the shower, bath. As soon as the mind begins to focus on any imperfections, return immediately to a simple observation of the body.
Next time, repeat the exercise using a small mirror to examine the whole body, including the genitals. Touch them (without masturbation), refraining from making judgments, focusing only on what you are doing.
3. Autogenic training
This workout will help you change your attitude towards your body and learn to experience sexual pleasure. Begin second exercise (described above) and say to yourself, “My body is sexy,” “I’m beautiful and attractive,” and “I enjoy my sexuality.”
4. Harmony of mind and body
Learn to combine physical arousal and emotional pleasure. Use a vibrator, watch an erotic movie or fantasize about sexual topics to get aroused. Take a break after five minutes. Then do exercise No. 2 to fully adjust to the desired feeling.