Almost everyone these days feels comfortable, and it’s even fashionable, to discuss their weirdest sexual desires, and the secrets of humanity’s bedroom have been revealed by sex therapists in more than one book, podcast, and TV show. Sex therapist Lucy Rowett is faced with spicy details and strange secrets entrusted to her by patients almost every day in her work, writes The Sun.
Lucy claims to have heard just about everything, from dogs stealing vibrators to having sex with a sponge cake…
The specialist said: “Most people expect our sessions to be serious, but at the end of the day, sex is fun. Of course it’s heartbreaking to hear the difficulties people are facing.”
Lucy talks about some of the problems that patients come to sex therapists with and what solutions she offers:
PROBLEM #1: Lack of self-confidence and/or feelings of shame
Lucy’s answer: “Many women find it difficult to accept their sexuality if they have a strict upbringing or grew up in a strict religious family. Then they are ashamed, afraid not only of sex, but also of their bodies. We look at photos of the vulva so that they understand that their bodies are not only normal, but also beautiful. Then, during our Zoom session, I instruct clients to turn off the camera and examine their vulva in the mirror. “
“Some are seeing their genitals for the first time because many have grown up in families where the thought of sex is considered a sin.”
“The stories don’t surprise me, although sometimes there are shocking details. A woman shyly talked about her habits, eventually revealing a lot of strange hobbies, especially related to food – cream on her chest, orgies in a bath of baked beans… This woman said that she experienced her strongest orgasm while sitting on a cake. All I advised her was to take a good shower after that. Who wants to get a yeast infection from sitting on a cake.
Sometimes I myself encourage couples to go to a sex shop and explore different sex toys. I am happy when they tell me afterwards that they have found sex toys that they both like. There have also been funny incidents – I met a patient in Tesco and she started telling me excitedly about the bondage games she played with her husband at the weekend. It was interesting to listen not only to me, but also to the others standing in line.”
PROBLEM No. 2: After having children, sex disappears from life
Lucy’s answer: “One of the common problems is that after having children, sex often disappears. No matter how great your sex life was before you had kids, there will be obstacles once you have kids. It must be said that open, honest conversations and an interest in your partner’s needs work wonders.
I see a lot of women feeling overwhelmed, so they get angry at their partner, which hurts the couple’s relationship in the bedroom. Men often fail to understand that a woman’s sexual happiness and desire depends on many things. For some women, sexual desire will appear if their spouse takes out the trash or irons the children’s clothes, because then they will feel loved and understood. “
“Most men respond positively to the advice to help out more at home, but almost all say they had no idea it was related to their sex lives.”
PROBLEM N. 3: A woman is constantly faking orgasms
Lucy’s answer: “The job gives me great satisfaction when I can solve a problem that has troubled a couple for decades. A woman faked an orgasm for more than 10 years because she didn’t want her husband be sad.
Sex should not be an obligation, it should bring pleasure to both partners. I spoke to this woman, found out how sex makes her feel, and asked her to find time for herself and reconnect with her sexuality.
Meditation often helps you reconnect with your sexuality. They really thought about my suggestions and started talking openly about sex on a regular basis and started really enjoying it. Now she gives him surprises, like surprising him in the shower. A little effort and open conversations can completely change the way we think about sex.”