What’s wrong with wanting to wait for your one and only for the first sex experience? Each of us is different and each of us may have our own reasons, so this time we will take a look at the personal stories of Reddit users about why each of them is still a virgin in their forties.”
Happy Ending
“I lost my virginity at age 40. I had opportunities but just didn’t realize them at the time. Girls would come flirt with me but I would just freeze and my mind would go blank. I am very shy and quiet. I sometimes think I am autistic but have never been diagnosed or tried to get diagnosed. I always though something was wrong with me and I knew I wasn’t ‘normal’. I also didn’t drink a lot or party.
I invited a co-worker over to watch a movie one night and she is also very quiet and shy. I let her take the lead and let it happen. That was 2 years ago and we are engaged now.”
Unable
“Not 40, but I know one guy who has a micro penis and is physically unable to have sex. Shame too because he’s decently good looking and funny, makes out with a lot of girls, is 6’3 etc. Completely normal.
Only know he’s a virgin due to him admitting it to me when he was drunk. He’s early to mid 30s.”
Just Sad
“I know a 34 year old who has never even kissed a girl. Crippling social anxiety. Also hung up on a girl from 15 years ago who has never been interested. I saw a pretty tipsy girl come onto him at a bar once and he almost jumped out of his skin. He was noooot having that shit.”
Social Stigma
“42 here. I thought I had a date once, it wasn’t.
It sort of falls into three time periods.
Age 17-25: I asked some girls/women out. They all just plain out said no(except for the one). The last few years of the period, I stupidly started to ask why and “because you’re you” was the top answer. Until the one went on in more detail and made me realized what “because you’re you” meant and I gave up. I threw myself in to my studies, researched anything that interested me, and just read A LOT about a lot.
age 25-32: I just didn’t try. Continued my self-studies. Sure there were women I would loved to ask out (there was even one I did, quite to my own surprise, of course she said no and then some) but I was “still me” and they would have said no. I had a demanding/abusive job from age 28 to 30 that took everything from me. I joined a gym at 30.
Age 32-now: I lost 97 lbs between age 30 and 32. Took up yoga and running. I think I noticed women noticing me but I had convinced myself women don’t find me attractive, so I had to be imagining things. My work out routine has lessened since then and I have gained back some weight but thankfully more muscle than fat.
I learned in my late 20s that I have a personality type that makes me hard to get to know which means dating is particularly difficult. It was at this time I thought I was a high-functioning autist. I do have many (but not all) traits of one. I’ve never been good at social stuff so I have huge disadvantage in the sociality needed for dating. In the last 5 years or so, I began to wonder if I have social anxiety disorder instead of or maybe in addition to autism. And in all this time I’ve worked overnights which adds another difficulty in dating.
I get the idea that I’m the better-than-nothing guy but I don’t want to be the last option for someone. I’d rather like a woman who wants to be with me and not has to be with someone. I also don’t think it would be fair to burden a woman with my “quirks and foibles” that I’ve gotten over the years. Also, the social stigma of being over 40 and never even having a date seems like a obstacle in itself.”
Too Focused
“I actually work with one hes like 45ish? maybe closing in on 50. He’s a strange guy works too much and way to hard saves all his money is generally stingy but kinda social. I know he wants it but he’s too focused on work to actually make it happen.”
Unapproachable
“Some of us are just ugly in both looks and personality. No sob story or long-winded explanation needed. Years of intense social rejection and depression don’t help, but they aren’t the primary cause. Some people are just inherently unapproachable.”
High Standards
“A friend of mine is 39 and has never lost it.
He’s super religious, has had girlfriends, but never got married or anything so he never had has sex.
Well, thats as far as I know. Maybe he has and is ashamed of it, maybe he’s gay and is in the closet, maybe he’s asexual, I don’t know.
Normal beer drinking, playing video games, going to bars, and traveled the world sort of a guy, decent looking but not great (he’s maybe a little out of shape but I wouldn’t call it ugly).
Thing is he wants to be married before sex and also has super, weirdly high standards.
Like now that he’s his age he still wont settle for anything less than a Kate Upton thats ultra christian.”
There Is Hope For Anyone
“My husband’s brother was the typical lost cause … 39 years old, still lived with his parents in a small town, had an ok job but spent all his money on dvds and comics, some travel but he didnt like doing it alone so not that much. He had kind of given up all hope of ever finding someone. My husband’s first marriage broke down and he asked his brother to move in with him to help cover the cost of his mortgage. Slowly over the years his bother learned to adult, to manage his finances better, to talk to people and to get out more. Some friends convinced him to try online dating. After a few misses he eventually met someone he clicked with. They have been married now for about 3 years and couldn’t be happier, she is into movies and travel and lots of other things he thought no-one would be interested in sharing with him. He is 48 now and is happier than he’s ever been. He is proof that there is hope for anyone, you just need to get out and meet people if you want to stand a chance of meeting the right person.”