This will be a woman’s candid confession of what happened in her XXX life after it literally stopped. What is the 30-day sex challenge and how to deal with it?
I used to have sex.
I had not a little, but a lot of sex. Dirty sex. Perverted sex. Sex in public places. (I won’t go into details.) Then I got married, but we were still having sex. Then I got pregnant and we stopped having sex. Then I became a mother – try to have sex with me and I’ll cut you to pieces. Then I became a working mother, and it feels as if part of my essence is gone.
In my opinion, sex should not be negotiable. This is as important as exercising, eating properly, or sleeping. But why is it often the first thing in a relationship that is abandoned at a time when something needs to change? (Here’s a tip: stop fucking damn scrolling through social media and go instead to orgasm! It will make you feel much better about your life than a girl’s photo bikini on a yacht – I promise.)
I know several working mothers who have sex.
But I don’t know of any working mothers with young children who have sex on a regular basis, and that’s definitely the difference. If you read this and say, “I do it regularly!” then good for you but I don’t like you. This will apply more to women who bend over when someone really touches them. Women who prefer to pour into the couch with a giant glass of wine and Netflix than undress naked for someone to enter.
Maybe it was a pregnancy that made me spend more time without sex. (If you were also one of those pregnant women who just loved having sex, I don’t like you either.) Maybe it was the reason I breastfed my daughter for three years. Maybe the fact that we spend hours behind the screens of phones and laptops reduces our libido. Or the fact that we are so busy doing it that we forget to do it too.
Recently browsing my calendar, I came to the horrific realization that not only had my husband and I not had sex for more than a month, but also that we hadn’t even touched each other other than a careless good morning or a good night kiss.
I had a radical idea.
I offered my husband whiskey and said, “We will have sex every day for 30 days. And our goal will be my orgasm. ”
I noticed a spark in his eye. Giving me an orgasm was once his favorite game. When did that change, and more importantly, why? So it could officially start.
Day 1: We had hot sex. This challenge will be pure nonsense!
Day 2: This shows my favorite series tonight. And we have another whole season of another series to watch. And it’s so late. Maybe we can officially start the experiment tomorrow?
Day 3: Business trip.
Day 4: Chocolate + menstruation = don’t touch me.
Day 5: We are miserable. Why don’t we have sex?!?
I have come to realize that if pressure is put on both of us, nothing will change.
We realized that we didn’t have much sex, but it seems that mentioning this fact every five seconds doesn’t really help. I turned my naughty past in my head and was looking for some way to correct the present. I had attended sex classes where women were orally satisfied with a pink dildo. I have slept with a woman. I have had a threesome. I have had sex in public places that would make most people blush.
So why couldn’t I figure out how to have sex in our bedroom? Apparently, something didn’t add up.
And then I did a survey asking married couples how they balance work, parenting, and romantic relationships. The wife laughed and said, “I’ll put on sexy clothes and then we’ll get out of our usual environment.” The men continued, “When I look at him in our home life, I don’t see a sexual being. I see my mother. ”
As for the moment when an invisible light bulb lights up above your head.
I didn’t see my husband as a sexual being – I saw him as a dad to our daughter. As a laundry folding. As a cook.
If we wanted to have sex, we had to get out of our environment. But the resistance immediately hit his shoulder. But we have a 6-year-old child! We can’t just leave the house to taste a glass of wine! I will need to get out of my pajamas, get in the car and go somewhere! Horror!
But soon we decided that once was enough and worked out some basic rules.
- Set that devil’s phone aside. Research shows that smartphones have pretty much ruined all our relationships, especially romantic ones. If you catch yourself looking at your phone instead of your partner’s eyes, put this lousy device aside and pay attention to the person who loves you. Choose to gain experience instead of spending time on your smartphone.
- Set a time when you really enjoy having sex. I am a morning sex person. When it’s 11pm, not only do I not want to have sex, I’m almost offended at the thought of what I’m going to have to do. If that means we have to set the alarm 15 minutes earlier (I’m joking, rather five minutes), then we will.
- No beds. Raise your hand when all your sex techniques are ground to a minimum and they all happen in the bedroom. Recently, my husband and I had sex in the car while listening to a stunning song. It made me feel alive in a way it hadn’t been in a long time. Engage in adventures.
- Make daily intimacy the rule. Let’s face it – most of us don’t have sex every day, but we can be intimate. Take five minutes to confront your partner and talk about what you like. Kiss like a teenager. Join hands. Give each other long hugs. Just find the time to make contact.
- Think of what excites you both. When was the last time you asked yourself or your partner, “what excites you?” Do you know that little? I asked my husband and he was like, “Hmm…” I mean, really? Nothing? Think about it carefully.
- Experience orgasm every day. Well, if the thought of having sex every day makes you twist, then reformulate it like this. Reach orgasm. Alone. With the help of. Do not care. My husband bought me the most wonderful vibrator , and I literally kept it on my bedside table. It takes three minutes to get rid of everyday stress, so even if we don’t have sex together, I do it alone.
- Stop talking and start doing it . Do you know how much time we actually spent talking about how much sex we don’t have? At that time, we could have just had sex! Sex is an act. It usually binds you and makes you feel better. Just do it.
Whether you’re exhausted or your kids are too intrusive, make your sex life fun. Don’t take this challenge so seriously. Be tolerant of yourself. And understand that you have to draw your own conclusions about how much sex is enough in your relationship, not what an article says, and not what a woman who has sex seven days a week says. Stop listening to everyone else and tune in to the man, woman, or partner standing right in front of you: How much is enough? How many are not?
Whatever you decide, enjoy this part of the relationship. Try new things. Surprise yourself and your partner.
You will not regret it.