Most of us have not received comprehensive sex education that explains how to enjoy sex. Too often sex follows a monotonous script that brings too little pleasure. The essence of sex therapy is to go back to the beginning and learn to give and receive pleasure. Are you interested in what are the questions most often asked to a sex therapist?
Sex therapists offer intimacy tips and strategies to increase desire and pleasure. In addition, a visit to a sex therapist can help determine the reasons why sex is not properly enjoyed, why both partners do not feel sexual satisfaction.
Licensed sex therapist Joy Berkheimer gets a lot of questions from couples who come to her. On the ‘Wellandgood’ portal, an expert shares the three most frequently asked questions.
1. How often do people actually have sex?
Couples who come to Berkheimer are very interested in how much other people are making love compared to them. According to the expert, this question usually arises because one of the partners is confident about a certain frequency of sexual intercourse and wants the sex therapist to agree to it. According to the expert, this topic is likely to be discussed before going to a sex therapist. “They want this question answered in front of their partner,” explains the therapist.
She reveals that when asked such a question, she usually encourages couples to focus on their own lives and not compare themselves to others, because “comparison takes away the joy” and can lead to self-doubt. “I say, ‘I’d rather compare your current sex life to your previous sex life than to other people’s sex lives, that’s better,'” says the expert.
According to her, there are statistics about how much other couples make love, but these numbers are related to various reasons and are different for each couple.
2. If my partner is not sexually attracted to me, does that mean I don’t love him/her?
Berkheimer says that love and sexuality don’t always go hand in hand and are sometimes unrelated. “It doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to break up with your partner, and it doesn’t mean that you don’t love your partner – it’s just worth looking from the outside, because it means that something has changed,” explains the expert.
Change happens for a variety of reasons. “It could mean that your needs have changed, or your partner has changed, so the person you were once attracted to is no longer the same person,” she reveals.
The influence can be living conditions, stress factors, changed appearance, behavior. Either way, you have to adapt and find a compromise.
3. How to create intimacy in a relationship?
According to Berkheimer, true intimacy is when you reveal your most sensitive sides to a person, when you are not afraid to be yourself next to them. True intimacy is the foundation of a healthy, fulfilling relationship. And physical intimacy, which includes sex, is one of the five aspects of strengthening relationships. According to the expert, couples really want to know how to create intimacy and how to nurture it.
When asked about intimacy, Berkheimer asks the couple the following questions: Are they taking the time to consciously create intimacy with each other? Has either partner ever had a hard time showing their vulnerability or trusting the other?
A sex expert recommends tantric sex for couples who haven’t taken the time to cultivate intimacy. “Then you don’t think, ‘I have to make love,’ but rather, ‘I want to be closer to my partner,'” she explains, adding that after creating a safe, pleasant environment, experimentation eventually leads to sex.
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