In an ideal world, every intimate meeting would go smoothly and bring indescribable joy. But the reality is not so bright – it will be said by any therapist who consults couples. According to sexologists, every couple in the bedroom faces different difficulties. What are the most common relationship problems between couples, and what advice do experts give in such cases?
1. “Different thoughts continue to turn in my head.”
The first most common problem that women turn to sexologists for is the inability to concentrate during sex. This is especially true for women raising young children – caring for children often overshadows the idea of sex. Sexologists in this case recommend planning sex – we know it sounds terrible. Experts explain that when we know that something is planned, there is more opportunity to focus on it. Focusing on sex will also help you try sex toys and new poses .
2. “I’m a man, I can’t be too gentle and sensual.”
The myth that men are insensitive sex robots is wrong. “When I talk to couples in my office, men often feel confident that they are emotionally Neanderthals,” says a sex therapist in Los Angeles. Many men admit that they want more sensuality in the bedroom and in life in general, but do not know how to do it. Experts advise women to set an example by revealing their feelings so that men subconsciously start repeating this behavior. And when a man speaks openly about his feelings, the woman should be happy and supportive of the sentimentality shown by the man and support him.
3. “Only I show initiative.”
If only one partner takes the initiative in sex, dissatisfaction will inevitably accumulate over time. Instead of waiting for a partner to take the initiative, instead of feeling frustrated not receiving the other party’s initiative, show the initiative yourself. Don’t let selfishness ruin your relationship. If the partner usually takes the initiative, understand his / her natural desire to get this from you. All people want to feel welcome, showing initiative strengthens ties in a relationship.
4. “Where are the caresses during sex?”
Female accusation against men is common. How to fix it? Very simply – when love games begin, physically show your partner what you like – put his hand on one or the other part of your body. If you are having a conversation on this topic, it is useful to express your wishes in a positive way, for example: “I really like that you…” Then the partner will not feel criticized, the expressed wishes will sound more like encouragement.
5. “I want the relationship to be more tender.”
This problem is easily solved. Remember your first dates and how you behaved at that time – you probably walked with your hands together, hugged a lot, caressed each other’s backs, etc. It is recommended to return this kind of tenderness to the relationship.
6. “There is no strong emotional bond between us.”
Everything is great if both only need a physical discharge. The situation becomes more complicated if someone wants an emotional connection but does not receive it. Try to promote intimacy outside the bedroom as well. Spend more time together, discover new joint activities that lead to networking, explore what makes you and your partner happy.
7. “Trying to conceive a child creates too much tension.”
When a couple decides to have a baby, sex can become an obligation. There must be a balance between sex during ovulation and the amount of spontaneous sex. The most important thing is the communication between the partners, after all some men want to know everything about a woman’s menstrual cycle, others would like to do without details. According to psychologists, it is possible to return joy during sexual intercourse, even if the purpose is to conceive a child. Dress in sexy lingerie, write sexy messages to each other, then this process will no longer seem like a duty.
8. “Partner does not want oral sex.”
If you like oral sex but don’t want it, you shouldn’t show anger or frustration. If your partner does not like oral sex, ask him to do it at least sometimes. Every little effort is important – it shows that you care about your partner.
9. “With the child’s entry into the family, sexual life has changed.”
Lack of sleep significantly reduces sexual desire, but all is not lost. In this situation, it is important to understand what makes you both feel frustrated, maybe there is a physical problem. Sex disorders are often associated with unspoken or unmet needs for emotional connection and intimacy. It is a good idea to visit a psychotherapist to help the couple talk about it.
10. “It seems to me that my partner doesn’t value me.”
The feeling that your partner does not value you, damages the relationship, and the problems can only get worse. A couple therapist says she encourages clients to call things by their right words, such as, “When you do, I feel.” Speak clearly so as not to leave room for confusion. Such phrases are necessary so that the partner does not feel as if he is being attacked.
11. “He often has premature ejaculation.”
Relationship experts explain that experience shows that premature ejaculation is usually seen at the beginning of a relationship because men are usually more anxious. If this happened during your first sex, forget it and either continue sex games or engage in another activity. If this happens again, the problem may not go away. Encourage the man to talk to his doctor about how to help himself to find out if there is any illness.
12. “We have sex too rarely.”
It is a common complaint of spouses that sounds after the end of the honeymoon. A man who wants more sex may feel frustrated, and his partner will not know if it is not talked about. Fortunately, compromises are possible here. Discuss how often you both need sexual activity and reach a compromise. Or make a list of things you both want to try. Experiment, look for what both fascinates you, it will encourage you to want intimacy and enjoy great sex.