This does not mean that you have to throw all other work aside and think only about sex. However, one important rule should be taken into account – foreplay is not just kisses, hugs and caresses. Introduce foreplay in your mutual communication – don’t be afraid of flirting and remember that everything starts with words.
It will help prevent possible discomfort during sex, improve the quality of sexual intercourse and provide more intense orgasms. This is especially true for couples who are in long-term relationships.
Confidence and vulgarity
Women will appreciate not only romantic sex, but also rougher and more intense action. Therefore, in this matter you should remember that the bed is not meant only for love. Women also expect wild passion and bold moves from men. This rule applies to both of you! Sexy, even vulgar underwear and certain intimate accessories will allow you to engage in more intense games and give a woman more confidence in her abilities. Remember that both love and dirty sex can be perfectly combined in one.
Clitoral stimulation
The orgasm from clitoral stimulation should never be underestimated. Stimulate this erogenous zone not only alone, but let your partner do it too. He will be thrilled if you do it in front of him. Such a gesture is beneficial for both:
Masturbation in front of a partner arouses the interest of the other one and significantly increases a person’s libido.
Masturbation gives a woman great satisfaction physiologically. Remember that every woman can reach orgasm from clitoral stimulation.
Use fingers, tongue and lips
During foreplay and sex, men focus on their penis, which gives the impression that there is nothing more important in sex than the stimulation of his “thing”. But even in the world of pornography, not only the genitals play a very important role, but also kisses, pleasure given by hands and fingers, as well as the mouth and other parts of the body.
Eye contact
Partners often underestimate the importance of eye contact during sex. Gaze longer and don’t keep your eyes closed all the time. Sex with your eyes open arouses much more emotions than “blind” sex.
More original and spontaneous sex
Missionary or other favorite Kamasutra positions are also wonderful, but don’t be afraid to be more original. Change the place where you usually have sex more often and experiment with different types of sex. More original solutions and less predictable actions!
It happens that the relationship between two partners or spouses is bad; arguments and lies, maybe alcoholism and even violence, but what holds them together is good sex. Partners often say that they would have broken up a long time ago, but the sex is so good that you will hardly find anything better. What’s a bad relationship but good sex? Does that mean anything? Let’s try to look at it from several aspects. Explains psychotherapist Anita Plume.
A woman’s destiny is to love and suffer?
Julia is 43. She has two children and a husband, or rather a husband who earns very well. Julia has come to see a psychologist because she feels unhappy and doesn’t know what to do anymore.
She says: “Arno and I have been living together for more than twenty years. And all this time, I am the one who takes care of the house, the children and, in fact, our mutual relationship. I still like Arno and since the very beginning I am more active in bed – more active in sexual relations. I’m the one buying sexy lingerie to please him, I’m the one trying to seduce him.
I am the one who is always ready for sex. But he’s the one who refuses because he’s tired or just doesn’t want me. I feel belittled, ugly and finally old too…
However, sometimes when he is in the mood, sex is really fantastic, passionate, enjoyable. At such moments, I feel like I’m in heaven, full of bright thoughts, happy. But we also have other problems. He works a lot, stays out of the house for a long time. Often there are meetings, presumably business meetings, and he drinks quite heavily in them. And when he drinks, he does it for two or three days. He also hinted that he was having an adventure or even a passing love affair. This worries me because someone else may turn out to be better than me.
Therefore, every evening I wait for him with a warm dinner, even if I suddenly receive a call with the news that he will be late, I wait. It happens that he comes only the next day or even a day later. But he is a fantastic lover, I don’t want to lose him. I understand that I have to try and be better in order to keep him, that’s why I’m always looking for something new and interesting in sex, because it’s not for nothing that they say that good sex connects men to women. We have a house full of different sex toys and I even bought a sex toy set. I have also bought him something, although he has not yet agreed to try it on with me. Tell me, what should I do, how can I find a more effective way of seduction? I like him so much! I love him so much!”
The apple does not fall far from the tree
During the conversation, it becomes known that Julia grew up in a family where the father is an alcoholic, and the mother is an educated woman who worked in a responsible, but not very well-paid job at the time. Father, although he drank, worked in construction and earned quite well. Often the father used to not come home on time, he got stuck somewhere with his friends. Julia’s mother became tense and depressed while waiting. She didn’t talk much on such evenings, she didn’t even try to provide dinner. Both sisters, as they taught, supported themselves. Mom was furious and if her sisters asked her to help, she was angry that everyone was just asking of her, but no one was thinking about her. Most of the time, such episodes ended in tears: “Look at what kind of father you have. It gives me a headache just to watch him. Where else to delve into your problems. Only love helps to survive.”
Or a nymphomaniac…
When Julia was sixteen, she fell in love for the first time. The boy was the most popular in the class. It’s no wonder that Julia fell in love, but the guy didn’t, even though Julia courted him for a long time and finally seduced him at a party. Their relationship ended before it started, because he publicly humiliated the girl and yelled at her not to tie the knot, because he really doesn’t like Julia. Time passed, and while studying at the college, Julia met her current husband, Arno, who was the captain of the volleyball team and a guy loved by the girls. Arno did not pay much attention to Julia, but Julia made every effort to seduce him, until finally it succeeded, and so it happened that the momentary passion ended in pregnancy.
They got married. Twenty-three years have passed since that day. If we delve more carefully into Julia’s life, we understand that her parents have never been an example of how a man and a woman build a relationship based on friendship and equality in the family, what it is like when they love each other, what it is like when they take care of each other, what it’s like when one considers the needs of the other. What Julia saw is a sad view of cohabitation, where men are busy with themselves, while women suffer and try to make life better at all costs, hoping for mystical love.
She remembered that when her father finally announced that he was coming home, her mother was making dinner, getting the girls to dress up, and everyone sitting around the table.
And then there was also a bottle of wine at dinner, there was talking and laughing. It was necessary to be cheerful at all costs and to indulge the father so that he would feel good. In short, Julia did not see what a good and truly sincere relationship is.
Proximity and closeness are not the same thing
We are used to thinking that the word ‘intimate’ means something sexual, but in fact intimate means emotionally close. So it turns out that listening to Julia’s childhood story shows that she has not seen how a good and intimate relationship develops. The only thing that is clear is that these two people have children and are still connected by sexual interest.
As a result, Julia’s inner world has developed the assumption that the only way a woman can attract a man or improve her relationship is through sex.
Julija, like many women in the wide world, but especially Latvian women, tries to implement the slogan in life – my destiny is to love and suffer. She loves Arno, or at least thinks she does. She is willing to give up everything – her interests and needs, her grief and sadness, and even her anger towards Arno, in order to keep him near her and not be alone. She is sure that if she will be endlessly, unlimitedly sexually unleashed and open to sexual experiments, Arno will appreciate her, stop walking around or engage in casual relationships, but will stay with her and pay attention only to her – the best and sexiest.
However, the reality of life is much more unpleasant – if a person does not want to change, he does not change. Therefore, Julia’s sexual activities often remain unanswered. In other words, we are talking about two people who are not suitable for life together, not suitable for each other. One, in this case Julia, tries to improve the relationship with sex, the other tries to get out by drinking and having affairs. Therefore, Julia says that she and Arno have the most passionate sex after an argument – in the evening, at night and even in the morning. In such moments, Julia feels that she is the only one, loved and desired. This is why they are together.
The continuation can be as follows
Natalia, 52 years old, is a very nice looking lady. The woman says that she has a 28-year-old son and a recently born grandson whom she loves very much. More recently, Natalia has achieved success in her career. Having started working as a civil servant, she currently holds a fairly high position. She earns well and travels around the world a lot. Meeting with different people, she has discovered new qualities in herself, she feels witty, interesting, like she has never been before.
Natalia says that she has been married for 29 years, but she literally started living only two years ago. She has been with her husband since she was 21 years old. However, they are very different. She is the one who is interested in everything new, goes to theaters, but he is indifferent. However, all these years they have been united by extremely good sex. As a long-distance driver, the husband was away from home most of the time. He was lucky because he went abroad, so he earned good money. However, it happened that over time Natalia’s husband started drinking and lost his job. The pay went down and he became downright depressed.
More and more often, he addressed Natalia with various stinging remarks. A year or a half ago, sex between them ended. Natalia caught herself thinking that the sex was over because they have nothing in common, and he doesn’t even try. Feelings had cooled. The number of years 52 is scary because when she leaves, she can remain alone for the rest of her life. And Natalia does not know what to do, because the fear of loneliness is so great that maybe it is better to live as it is. Natalia wants to find an answer to her question.
The past is with us
From the story, we know that Natalia’s father was a taxi driver who loved to drink, and her mother, an education worker, worked a lot, but she had enough time to raise children and maintain the house. Natalia’s mother often said that life is what it is. And that they should hope that one day her father will understand what is most important in his life.
When Natalya was 18, her mother died of cancer. The father began to drink even more and lost his job. Natalia finished school, left home and went to the university. She was a good looking girl who was being chased around by guys. A real party girl who didn’t refuse the offered alcohol either. Since she knew what it was like to be alone and unloved, hugs from boys were also welcome. In the end, she got involved with a teacher who was married. The girl fell in love. Natalia hoped that her beloved would leave his family, but one day she saw him with his wife and children, going to the train. He didn’t even look at her as they passed each other closely.
It was like a shot. Natalia says: “I suddenly woke up and realized that something was wrong with me. That I try to replace the values in my life with casual sex. It seemed so dangerous to me. It seemed that I was approaching a limit that should not be crossed.”
For about a year, Natalia did not want to meet anyone. At one point, she even thought about suicide, but then she accidentally ran into a classmate with whom she once had an affair. The love affair resumed stormy and passionate. That’s how they got married, and he is Natalia’s current husband. Their relationship was soon not so good, because the guy left the university, went to work as a driver, and Natalia felt somewhat disappointed. However, the sex was so good and exciting that it seemed that it would help the relationship to survive. But the day came when the insatiable passion stopped, and Natalia realized that there could be something else between two people. Something that brings people together just like that. Something that is equally valuable, something that you want to come home to, something that you want to spend time with. Only she didn’t have it. Natalia woke up from sleep for the second time.
Two lives, one story
What do both women have in common? It must be said that Julia and Natalia are two parts of one story – Julia is the beginning of it, and Natalia is the continuation, which is nearing the end. Here I do not mean the age difference, but the quality of relationships and the ability to evaluate life. Julia is still in the stage where she tries to transform her partner and fights to make him better by using the only weapon she knows – sex. With this, she tries to draw attention to herself, replace intimacy and love, including good relationships.
Unfortunately, women often try to use sex to strengthen family stability and relationships, without considering themselves and, in fact, the man’s wishes and needs as well.
Natalia has made some progress in her emotional development. She has realized that sex is not the only value that unites people. She is at the beginning to search for herself, relationships and love. She wants to understand what love means to her. And what is love for each of us?
Can you honestly look your partner in the eye and say that you’ve never thought about having sex in a public place? You, like the rest of the world, probably have an exhibitionist streak at play somewhere, or at least a curiosity about it.
Sex in public seems off-limits (maybe because it’s illegal) and the possibility of being caught with dirty hands (literally, it’s possible) gets your adrenaline pumping. Plus, if you’re in a long-term relationship, going wild can spice things up, especially if you feel like your sex life has stalled lately. Get creative—just use your crafty and spontaneous thinking—and bring those vibes outside the closed doors.
“I like to think that we all have a little voyeur (a person who derives sexual pleasure from secretly watching other people in sexual situations, or (more generally) a person who observes other people’s private lives” says Gigi Engle, Certified Sex Coach , sexologist and author of All The F*cking Mistakes: A Guide to Sex, Love and Life. “The idea of someone watching you have sex is pretty hot. It’s like watching your own porn movie.”
“It also requires a certain level of trust for you to be in it together,” says Amy Levin, sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure. “It gives you an opportunity to explore something that can take you to a new erotic experience.”
Engle notes that, in the case of public distortion, it’s important to consider consent. Of course, that also includes you and your partner, and whoever else might be nearby — strangers obviously haven’t signed up to watch you. Being sexually open and adventurous is great, but you also have to be a decent human being, so you have to find the right fuzzy line between public and private.
There is also a very real possibility of being arrested or fined if you are caught. The hottest part is the thought of being arrested, but you don’t have to take it literally to get through. But back to the fun stuff. Here are some of the best and most rewarding places to have sex in public – without getting caught.
In your backyard or on your balcony
If you’re new to public sex, you might want to look into the idea of IRL. “There’s a comfort in your backyard to have peaceful sex,” Levine says. “I think the neighbors will pick up on the secret and your excitement.”
It’s exciting to know that someone might notice you and you’re outside, but in a clean, private space. And since it’s your property, don’t worry about breaking the law.
Make it hotter: Use your patio furniture (except for the backyard grill). “If you have a sofa, this can be a good opportunity to lay back and enjoy some relaxing oral sex outside in the sun,” says Engle. Before you go out, don’t forget to bring water-based lube and your favorite toy.
In your car
Remember when Hannah from The Bachelorette found a condom in Pilot Peter’s car? This could be your future. If Titanic and high school gossip have taught me anything, it’s that a car is a great place to get hot and steamy. It’s a private but public space that you have more control over.
Make it hotter: Turn onto a quiet road at sunset or under cover of darkness, or find an empty parking lot to park discreetly. Skip the front seat (the horn can damage your fairing if you want to blow other things) and go for the back seat instead. This will help you hide and there will be more room to try different poses.
Hotel room
Check into the hotel for a good time. Whether you’re traveling with your significant other or just bought a hotel room for a sexy getaway, make it your playground. It may not feel like public, but when you open the curtains (all the way up) and have sex against the window, it’s pretty close. It doesn’t matter if your view overlooks a parking lot or another building, you’ll still hustle knowing that people can (and likely will) see it.
Make it hotter: Raise the stakes and wait until the evening when you can turn on all the lights to illuminate you and your partner. Wow.
Park or forest area
Who doesn’t like to be in nature? Find a place to hang out in an empty, low-traffic park or lightly wooded area. “You want to have enough camouflage with enough ‘public’ to make it sexy,” Engle says. She also warns against venturing into a wooded area because the damage from bugs and ticks (or poisonous plants) is not good. If you want to be on the ground, bring a blanket to avoid mud and grass stains. “This will give you a temporary sex zone and something to use for a quick cover up,” Engle says. You know, just in case.
On the roof
This is more practical for urban dwellers who have access to a flat roof, so take proper precautions. But an open roof is like your balcony, only riskier because anyone (and everyone) can see it. Engle has one important reminder: if you’re outdoors and going to be there for a while, don’t forget to wear sunscreen.
Make it hotter: Bring a pillow, thick yoga mat or towel, or something soft for comfort (rooftops are… hard). You can also tuck it below the hips for deeper penetration.
Sex party
Although it might be light years out of your comfort zone, a sex party has a serious benefit: you can avoid the distraction of getting caught to focus on the performance. At events like this, you don’t have to worry about who’s watching because everyone’s there for the same reason. So you can let your exhibitionism flag fly high.
Make it hotter: The words “boundaries” and “consent” don’t sound sexy, but talking about what you both want from your experience before you arrive will definitely make for a good time. After all, you won’t know what’s on the table until you’ve talked about it with each other…
On the beach
Another new fantasy comes to life, but with a few warnings: Visit a quiet part of the beach at night to avoid people, and stay on land so the salt water doesn’t dry you out. Cover the blankets carefully to keep sand and nasty bugs out of every place of your body. And try positions where you can avoid a lot of sand flying, like riding with a partner on a beach chair.
Make it hotter: Bring a bottle of wine and a pillow for stargazing afterwards. Now you’ve just moved from sex in public to the intimate romantic novel.
In the tent
Oh, the sounds of nature: birds chirping, grasshoppers, campfires crackling and muffled moans. Set up your tent in a secluded campsite (or in your backyard) and clear away any branches or rocks that might be pressing on your back at this point. You will have a tent hood but a shadow image coming through which creates a thrill.
Make it hotter: Don’t forget to stash lube in your backpack (wetter is better) and unzip some of the tent for more airflow. And don’t forget to pack a mattress pad so you don’t have to do it in your sleeping bag (they get very sweaty quickly).
In the Public Toilet
If you are in a hotel, airport or restaurant or any public place and can’t wait to get home for the meal, look for some public bathroom. “You can sneak in and out without being seen together,” Levine says. “Although you have a certain sense of privacy behind a locked door, there’s something very erotic about it,” she says. Plus, you never know what’s outside the door.
However… public bathrooms are atrocious, so you will need to practice. Don’t sit on anything, don’t take off your shoes and take off as little clothing as possible (just push your underwear to the side) and try to hold on to each other instead of the wall and doorknobs.
Make it hotter: Public restrooms are best for a quickie (because, as mentioned, they’re gross and people still have to pee!). So to make things as quick and sexiest as possible, Levine recommends pre-engaging in foreplay with seductive teasing. If you’re sitting at the dinner table, try pressing your leg against your partner’s leg or sneaking a kiss while you stand in line. Then go GET IT.
Relationship with an older man is not a sign of a sexual complex. An older man symbolizes life experience and trust. He can offer emotional support to a younger woman. Oprahdaily has done a study to find out how many women have had relationships with men who are 10+ years older. She found out that 73% of women had romances with an older man.
Celebrities with a large age difference, such as George and Amal Clooney or Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones, also support the positive public view that age is just a number and does not affect love. However, the large age difference causes its own problems – usually in sex.
Is it possible to have a relationship with an older man?
At first, everything seems as great as if you were created for each other. However, statistics show that couples with a large age gap face much greater challenges. If the age difference is only 5 years, there is an 18% chance that the marriage will be divorced. Couples of the same age – only 3% chance of divorce.
Almost 13% of men out of 40 million Zoosk users are looking for a relationship with a 10 years younger woman. However, there is a fact that these men may not have taken into account: if a man is 10 years older than a woman, there is a 39% chance that the relationship will fail. If the difference is 20 years, there is a 95% chance that the relationship will fail.
When pink glasses fall, life problems usually come to the fore, causing discord and emotional distance between couples. While her young wife’s friends share pictures of sports and newborns on social networks, she is sitting by her elderly husband’s sick bed. The topics and social norms of conversation between a man’s friends and family members can also differ greatly from those to which a woman is accustomed. An older man may not be as physically active as a woman’s friends. The differences usually become visible when a woman reaches the age of 30. Along with the woman’s youthful and modern friends, her former superhero seems simple or even old.
Is sex with an older man better?
An older man has a lot of experience – after all, he was once young. He is well aware of what younger men can give to his beauty. But unlike a younger man, an experienced gentleman is usually in no hurry to try something new and realize a woman’s wild fantasies. However, this does not mean that having sex with an older man is boring. On the contrary, it can be an extremely intimatey.
The body and hormones in men and women change over the years. Women reach their sexual peak at the age of 30-40. In men of the same age, libido increases but sexual ability decreases. In a relationship with a large age difference, it is rare for a man to replace his new wife with an even younger one. It is usually the woman who leaves her older husband to choose a younger one.
Erection, where are you?
Erectile dysfunction affects many people. Happy are those who have it in a light form. As a man gets older, his body produces less and less testosterone and it becomes increasingly difficult to get or keep an erection. Morning erections appear less and less often, and the previous endurance is gone.
For an older man, the balance between mental and physical well-being can be paramount. Stress and anxiety interfere with erections and are also affected by age-related physical changes. If erectile dysfunction occurs only occasionally, there is no need to worry about it. But if you have this problem often, you should see a doctor.
What needs to be done to pleasure a younger woman?
As you get older, it takes more time and physical intimacy to get aroused. At the age of 20, a man’s active libido is very high, and the desire for sex is always present. However, later, at the age of 50, reactive libido begins to dominate. It is enough to have an eye contact and a seductive lover to get excited. But thinking about sex alone is no longer enough.
Often men think of sex as an orgasm, but this way of thinking should be changed. The best advice for couples with a larger age difference is to expand their knowledge of sex. Sex is not just about reaching orgasm. Even in long-term and stable relationships, various methods should be tried, such as prostate stimulation for men and clitoral massage for women. Introduce a variety of sex toys and games, masturbation and a variety of oral activities for both men and women.
1. “Speculum al foderi” is a 15th century book dedicated to sex poses. Sometimes translated as “Koitus’s Mirror” or literally “Mirror of Fucking”, it describes the art of various sex positions.
3. The Latin name for the ‘doggy style’ is “coitus more ferarum“, which means ‘sexual act in the style of wild beasts’. In the Kama Sutra, an ancient Indian book, it is known as the “cow pose.”
4. Due to the lack of eye contact in the “doggy-style” sex position, some researchers believe that people have biologically moved away from this position in search of another that promotes intimacy, which in turn fosters a stable, lasting relationship.
6. Sex position in which a woman is on her back can be unsafe in later stages of pregnancy. In particular, a woman should avoid lying on her back after 4 months of pregnancy, as the weight of the growing uterus can put pressure on the main blood vessels.
7. Astyana, Helen’s of Troy maid, wrote a sex handbook “On the Positions for Sexual Intercourse”. She was influenced by two other Greek erotic writers, such as Philaeni and Elephanti.
8. In Scene 1 of Otello’s act, William Shakespeare called the missionary position “a beast with two backs.”
9. Men who suffer from premature ejaculation often find that the position in which the woman is on-top helps their problem. For some, it reduces the sensitivity of the penis, which helps prevent culmination.
11. Most difficult sex positions are the standing ones. It often takes a lot of flexibility and balance to enjoy them.
12. In the Middle Ages, anal and oral sex were considered unnatural because none of them could lead to reproduction, which many purists considered to be the sole purpose of sex.
13. The position in which the partners sleep next to each other is one of the most comfortable and is ideal for the elderly, during pregnancy or after illness or surgery.
14. Some researchers believe that the best positions for conceiving are those in which the man is on-top, such as missionary. This provides deeper penetration so that sperm can enter the cervix more easily.
15. Women who are unable to orgasm in a missionary position claim that the chances of getting an orgasm increase by 56% when using the CAT method (Coital Alignment Technique). It is like a missionary position, except that the upper body of a man is further away from the woman and facing one side.
18. Women consider these three poses to be the most unpleasant: 1) doggy style, 2) reverse cowgirl position, and 3) 69. The reason for this is that the doggy style is often painful, the reverse cowgirl is too awkward and uncomfortable, and 69 is too disturbing to really enjoy pleasure.
19. The Kama Sutra, written between the 1st and 4th centuries AD, describes 64 sex positions known as 64 Atrs. Its author, Vātsyāyana, believed that there were 8 types of intimacy multiplied by 8 positions in each, forming a total of 64. It describes love as a “divine union.”
20. In 1972, the British scientist and physician Alex Comfort (1920-2000) wrote The Joy of Sex, which describes more than 600 sex positions. The book was an international bestseller, and its popularity gave him the nickname “Dr. Sex.”
21. Gershon Legman (1917-1999), an American cultural critic and folklorist, recorded more than 3,000 sex positions during his lifetime. He died at the age of 65 after “excessive sexual effort.”
22. Although sex in water allows you to try creative sex positions, seawater, a pool, or a jacuzzi are full of all kinds of bacteria that can cause a urinary tract infection and other diseases. (Read more about it here).
23. In the Washington, sex positions other than missionary are technically illegal.
24. In the Middle Ages, doggy style sex was the most sinful position (except for anal sex). It was considered “bestial” because it confused the boundaries between man and animal.
25. In the Middle Ages, the punishment for “deviant” sex positions could be severe. For example, the penalty for having sex with a woman on-top was three years in prison. People feared that such positions would change the natural order of the “higher” man and the “lower” woman.
26. Albertus Magnus (1200-1280) was the first to rank sex poses from most acceptable to lowest: 1) missionary, 2) lying side by side, 3) sitting, 4) standing, and 5) tergo (from behind). He agreed with the church that the missionary position was the only completely “natural” position, but was more advanced in his beliefs that other positions might be appropriate for obese or sick people.
27. In the Middle Ages, some people believed that children conceived in a “unnatural” sex position could experience birth defects.
28. St. Thomas Aquinas (1225-1274) extended the definition of sodomy to include all sexual acts and positions except vaginal intercourse. Sodomy was punishable by death, such as mutilation, burning alive, or hanging.
For a man who thought sex was evil, Thomas Aquinas was sure obsessed with it
29. The sex position, known as ’69 ‘, is named like that because the sex partners are inverted, similar to the numbers 6 and 9. In the Kama Sutra, this position is known as ‘the congress of crows’.
30. Dr. David Rubben’s book “Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid to Ask)” in 1960 was one of the first modern sex guides to discuss various sex positions and help incorporate the Kama Sutra into Western psychology.
Different techniques and changing positions are just some of the things we face when it comes to sex. Everyone has different needs – some like almost acrobatic tricks, and some loves gentle kisses and caresses. In this article we will look at extremely comfortable sex positions that will be suitable after childbirth. Remember that only a gynecologist can determine how quickly you can have sex again after giving birth! (Usually it is recommended to abstain for 6 – 8 weeks).
Missionary
In the missionary position, woman is lying on her back and man is on top. This position can also be used in other ways, such as for anal sex. Missionary is both comfortable and extremely passionate, as eye contact is maintained during sex. The penetration can be quite deep, and since the partner’s movements are not restricted, the angles can be changed in all directions.
This position ensures that there is a gap between the partners’ bellies, so women who have had a caesarean section do not have to worry about pressure on the suture. This protects painful and problematic areas from unnecessary pressure and possible discomfort.
Spooning
Spooning is suitable for both passionate sex and sweet caresses. The name comes from the fact that this position resembles two spoons placed side by side. This is probably the most pleasing of the “rear” poses. Partners can move freely and passionately, as long as they choose the right angles.
Spooning position is one of the safest for women who have had a cesarean section. It helps to reduce the pressure on the suture and allows you to control the depth and speed of penetration.
Woman on top
A woman on top is any sex position in which a woman is on her partner during sex. Most often this is referred to the cowgirl position. The name comes from the fact that a woman “rides” on a man as a cowgirl rides a horse. In this position, the man usually lies on his back and the partner kneels above the partner with her face towards the partner or his feet.
This is a very safe sex position for women who has given birth. It allows you to control the depth and speed of penetration while allowing active movement. Cowgirl position is usually mentioned as one of the most popular sex positions, especially among women. Not only does it allow the woman to control her own rhythm and pace, as well as the amount and duration of penetration, but it is also convenient for stimulating the clitoris.
Did you know that our bodies produce four healthy hormones of happiness? These are serotonin, dopamine, oxytocin and endorphins. Alternatively, they can be called neurotransmitters (chemical compounds that drive nerve impulses). Let’s look at two of them – serotonin and dopamine – and find out what their role is in a person’s sex life.
What is serotonin?
Serotonin is a biologically active substance, a hormone or otherwise, a neurotransmitter that is produced in the digestive tract and brain. Due to its two secretory sites and different functions, serotonin can be divided into peripheral and central.
Peripheral serotonin? What is it? What are its functions?
As much as 85% of the serotonin found in the body is produced in the digestive tract, the gut. The serotonin produced here enters the bloodstream through the tissues, where it is stored in platelets (blood cells that are involved in blood clotting). This hormone helps our body to clot blood and heal wounds.
Central serotonin? What is it? What are its functions?
The rest of the body’s serotonin is produced in the central nervous system, the brain. This is called central serotonin. The main function of this hormone in the brain is to improve the connection between the cells of the brain by blocking certain properties of some cells. And in this way, serotonin promotes the body’s emotional stability, promoting a feeling of peace, relaxation, satisfaction and happiness. Due to these emotional indicators, serotonin has long been known as a hormone of happiness.
Serotonin in the body also regulates some reflexes needed for intimate relationships. A well-known process in the male body is ejaculation (the release of sperm). Serotonin plays an important role in obtaining orgasm.
In general, serotonin plays an important role in intimate relationships. It is responsible for the fact that after an orgasm a person feels such feelings as satisfaction, happiness, relaxation.
What happens when there is a lack of serotonin?
Most often and most likely, we experience too low levels of central serotonin in the body. The main symptoms of its deficiency are:
Deteriorated mood;
Depression;
Reduced concentration of attention;
Apathy;
Increased anxiety;
Memory impairment;
Emotional instability.
What happens if there is too much serotonin?
The more serotonin, the happier a person feels? Definitely not. Balance is very important to our body: so neither too much nor too little. The main symptoms of excess serotonin are:
Decreased libido;
Dizziness;
Sleep disorders;
Sudden weight loss;
Tremor;
Muscle twitching.
In fact, the best amount of serotonin in the body is the optimal amount. Not a critical low level that can cause depressed, not a critical high level.
The link between serotonin and libido is also well known: lower serotonin increases libido and higher serotonin decreases libido. Therefore, when it comes to libido, it is important to understand that serotonin levels should be optimal or slightly below average, because in extreme cases, when the level is extremely low or extremely high, various disorders occur.
How to maintain optimal serotonin levels in the body?
Active lifestyle. Exercise, walk, spend as much time as possible in the fresh air.
Light. Try to spend as much of your day in a bright environment if possible.
Nutrition. If you have serotonin deficite, choose products that contain tryptophan. It is an amino acid that makes serotonin. They are found in foods such as red meat, fish, cheese, cottage cheese, nuts (especially cedar nuts).
Drinks. Avoid or at least reduce caffeine intake.
Emotional state. If you feel the need to speak, tell someone about your emotional state, do not be afraid to seek the help of a psychotherapist.
! INTERESTINGLY, the amount of serotonin in the body is also highly dependent on the amount of melatonin in the body, also known as sleep hormone. When the sun is bright, the amount of melatonin in the body decreases, which in turn can slightly increase the concentration of serotonin, which is enough to maintain well-being and mood.
What is dopamine?
The second hormone we are talking about is the neurotransmitter dopamine. Although it belongs to the group of four happiness hormones, a statement that describes it more accurately would be a pleasure hormone.
Dopamine. What is it? What are its functions?
Dopamine is produced in the central nervous system, the brain. Its production is facilitated by positive experiences, such as:
Pleasant smells;
Tasty food;
Touches;
Sex.
Does dopamine increase libido? Maybe libido and sex increase dopamine levels in the body? In fact, both questions can be answered in the affirmative – all these processes revolve in one circle. There is no doubt that dopamine, which increases libido, is released during sex. It acts as an excitement:
stimulates passion and lust;
creates attractiveness and excitement;
promotes one of the greatest pleasures – orgasm.
Since sexual intercourse is definitely good for both physical and emotional health, dopamine is very necessary for the human body!
What happens if there is a lack of dopamine?
In fact, dopamine deficiency has many symptoms, but we will look at the most common. Decreased dopamine levels in the body means:
Decreased libido;
Lack of energy and motivation;
Anxiety;
Mood swings;
Various addictions can occur. This is explained by the fact that a person instinctively tries to compensate for the lack of dopamine and often becomes addicted from things that cause a temporary outbreak of pleasure, such as alcohol, cigarettes, etc.
What happens if there is too much dopamine?
Excess dopamine can be caused by taking some medicines. Excessive amounts of dopamine accumulate in the brain and can occur:
Psychoses such as schizophrenia;
Hyperactivity;
Lack of attention;
Lack of empathy;
Excessive impulsivity;
Aggression;
Addictions can also occur in the presence of excessive amounts of dopamine, because as soon as the amount of dopamine decreases, a person will try to lift it again in all possible ways and return the body to its previous state.
How to maintain optimal dopamine levels in the body?
Most importantly, the amount of dopamine must be optimal and balanced. Too little will have a depressing effect on the body and too much will encourage people to overestimate their abilities. Maintaining optimal concentration is aided by:
Recreation;
Balanced diet;
Avoiding/giving up bad habits;
Psychotherapy;
Sex.
Happiness and pleasure hormones in balance
When serotonin and dopamine in the body are in balance, a very good physical and emotional environment is created in the body.
Serotonin is a hormone for good mood, stable emotions and relaxation.
Dopamine is an excitatory hormone that causes arousal and pleasure, motivates.
Working together, keeping each other in the right level, they make our body not only healthy, but also happy, confident, energetic and passionate just when the body needs it.
How do serotonin and dopamine affect intimate relationships?
1. Thanks to serotonin and dopamine, we can have great sex. When we see an attractive person and smell him/her, we stimulate the production of dopamine, which increases the excitement, attractiveness and passion, the desire to get closer to the person. Dopamine also continues to be produced during sexual intercourse and is excreted during orgasm, when we feel immense pleasure, which causes euphoria. Serotonin is also released during orgasm, causing ejaculation.
2. Serotonin, the safest hormone for happiness, satisfaction and relaxation, concentrates our body to rest.
3. After orgasm, the amount of dopamine in the brain is low and the brain needs to rest so that it can produce the hormone again. After orgasm, not only the body but also the brain rests under the influence of serotonin, and thus serotonin helps to restore the required amount of dopamine.
4. Therefore, usually after the sexual intercourse you want to lie down, relax, even fall asleep, instead of repeating the sexual intercourse immediately. Although these two hormones are secreted at different times during intercourse and have different mechanisms and functions, they are both integral parts of intimacy and sex.
It is said that candies become much tastier if we refrain from eating them for some time. The Internet has recently been shocked by the news that a reality show star has temporarily given up sex instead of sweets. Extreme? Maybe. However, after this announcement, many people are in a hurry to try what sex fasting really does for you.
Psychotherapist Marianne Johnson explains that a significant number of relationship therapists sometimes use the method of sensory concentration to improve closeness between two people.
“It starts with the couple agreeing to abstain from sex for a while. At the moment, the focus is on other sensory experiences and different forms of touch”, says the psychotherapist.
“Gradually, when the couple regains their intimacy, they return to intimate activities.”
According to Johnson, the way the method is performed depends on the reason why the partners attend the treatment, but the overall goal is always the same – to reduce the focus on sex. “It also improves their communication skills because they work towards a common goal,” the psychotherapist continues to describe the benefits of abstinence.
She also points out that sex fasting can benefit any couple: “Desire and excitement come and go, and the process involves learning. They begin to understand what they likes and what doesn’t allow them to feel pleasure.”
This method can also be useful for those who suffer from sexual dysfunction. For example, if a person has low libido due to erectile dysfunction.
“A person is simply overwhelmed by the feeling of relief when he can indulge in what inspires him again without fear that he will not live up to his partner’s expectations,” she says.
Improved intimate life
After trying, people always say, “Abstinence ultimately leads to shockingly good sex!” According to sexual welfare specialist Tracey Coates, this is a pretty good idea.
By abstaining from sex, partners can explore new aspects of intimate relationships, especially if the couple is experiencing worsening of their relationship at the time.
However, it must be remembered that “sex fasting” requires heartfelt and open communication so that the partners understand each other’s intentions and motives.
“Many couples experience stress during intercourse because they do not feel the closeness that should be rooted in the experience. Conscious abstinence from sex can not only revive the sexual spark for a while, but also improve intimate relationships, ”explains Coates. “Sometimes it is necessary to exclude sex from the daily routine so that the couple can understand each other’s wishes and needs.”
Like psychotherapist Johnson, Coates emphasizes that abstaining from sex improves the couple’s communication. According to her, some couples hide behind sex and do not even try to talk about intimate relationships, so with sex fasting, the partners open up to each other.
And finally, how does it feel to suddenly stop abstinence? “When the ‘fasting’ of sex stops, you will just feel life. You will realize that it is worth combining emotional intimacy with physical intimacy, ”explains Coates. “Guaranteed increased libido, endurance and even the possibility of orgasm.”
Painful sex should never be the norm, but it is a fairly common problem. Both physical and psychological factors can cause pain during sexual intercourse. Once the cause has been identified and treated, all that remains is to find the most pleasing positions.
Pain can affect the genital area permanently or repeatedly, and can occur before, during, or after sex. According to Health data, painful sex affects 8% to 20% of women. And it can be caused by a number of factors, from physical problems such as infections or endometriosis to psychological problems.
To understand the origin of the pain and find the best solution, a visit to the doctor is mandatory! Unless your pain gets worse over time or is emotionally disturbing, you don’t have to abstain from sex. Therefore, the goal is to find position that do not cause discomfort and allow you to feel pleasure.
Woman on top
It doesn’t matter if your partner is lying on the bed or on the floor, or sitting on a chair, the only thing that matters is that woman is on top. This position allows you to control the pace and depth of penetration. This is especially useful if the pain is caused by deep penetration. Another version of this position can also help you discover new feelings: ask your partner to lie down and bend his legs. Sit with your back to him and lean against his thighs.
Spooning
This is the laziest sex position ever, but sex on your side helps relieve pain. A woman’s buttocks can serve as an “airbag” against deep penetration. This position allows the woman to control both the depth and pace of the penetration.
Oral sex
Do not underestimate the power of a few fingers or the tongue. If classic sex is too painful, masturbation and/or oral sex is still a good idea. Consider the “69” position or ask your partner to take care of you so that you can enjoy undivided attention.
Clitoral stimulation
Choose positions that facilitate clitoral stimulation to make intercourse more enjoyable. A position in which the woman is lying on her stomach and can perform manual clitoral stimulation will work.
The average guess for young men is that they have had sex fourteen times in the last month, but the actual number is about 4-5 times.
This assumption would mean that, on average, young men have sex every other day – about 180 times a year – compared to the reality of about 50 times a year.
Respondents shot in the wrong direction, trying to guess the nuances of young women’s intimate life. The interviewed men guessed that average women have sex 22 to 23 times a month.
These guesses would be equivalent to a young woman having sex every weekday, plus two or three times a week off. In fact, the real number is about five times a month.
Why do we take this so wrongly?
As with many of our misconceptions, the explanation for this can be both our way of thinking and what others tell us. The survival of the human species depends directly on sex. However, this is a source of misconceptions because, unlike many other basic human behaviors that we observe on a daily basis, sex is mostly behind the closed-door (and sex that is available for general viewing is not a completely accurate representation of the norm).
Because we do not have access to real-life information, we turn to other “authoritative” sources: forum discussions and gym locker rooms, questionable polls, unreliable media and pornography. For the most part, they provide extreme examples that distort our perceptions of reality.
