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Nine percent of men who responded to a recent survey in Sweden say they have paid for sex at least once in their lives. This percentage is roughly in line with previous studies in the Nordic and Western European countries, according to the study.
The study did not find any differences in male responses based on income or level of education. But a few other signs seemed to stand out more among men who had bought sex than among other men. Men who chose to pay for sex were less likely to be happy with their current sex life. Many of these men became fascinated by watching pornography, and several were involved in online sexual activities, such as looking for sex partners.
Help to stop buying sex
People who buy sex turn to the online counseling service “Kast” for help. Since its inception, hundreds of men and some women have sought advice. Mali Storbakken is one of the consultants who help people fight the desire to buy sex. “Men often want to talk about buying sex. They have to express their feelings in words, ”says Storbecken. “Most people keep this activity a secret from others, and they need someone to talk to,” she says. Many of the individuals feel very guilty. Some have even become addicted, leading to financial problems, as buying sex doesn’t cost much.
Escort sites and pornography
In recent decades, much of the sex trade has moved online. The first contact is made online and then transferred to an appointment in a private room or hotel. Many people also buy sex in massage parlors. “Only a few of the people we talk to buy street sex,” says Storbecken. A Swedish study shows a link between the consumption of pornography and the purchase of sex. Men are also asked questions about watching pornography during online consultations, where it is found that most people who buy sex watch erotic content on a daily basis.
Men often claim that their desire to buy sex began directly with visiting pornography sites.
Some men tell us that visiting pornography sites makes them want to buy sex because from there they can go straight to sex shopping sites. And many of those we talk to define themselves as addicted to pornography. They see a link between the culture of pornography and the purchase of sex, ”says Storbecken.
The Swedes base their study on another large-scale health study conducted in 2017 that involved both men and women aged 16-84. Very few women said they had paid for sex, so researchers chose to analyze only male responses, which totaled about 6,000 respondents.
Several men who had paid for sex were dissatisfied with their sex lives, including how often they had sex. But not everyone who is dissatisfied with their sex life buys sex. So what else could be hidden in this problem? According to Storbecken’s talks with the men, she says the answer is twofold. “I’ve talked to several men who have regular sex with their partner and who actually think they’re happy with their sex life and how often they have sex,” she says. “These clients often explain buying sex with a certain search for excitement. They are usually wealthy men, with family and children.
“But then we also have men whose experience shows that intimacy and sex have disappeared from their partnership or that they have different sexual desires that they can’t fulfill with their partner,” says Storbecken.
Diversity of life
experience Studies show that men who buy sex each have their own “luggage”. For example, men who buy sex are more likely to engage in risky behaviors, such as alcohol and other drugs. In contrast, a 2010 Norwegian study found that loneliness, receiving disability benefits, early sexual intercourse, and multiple sex partners were the most common characteristics among men who buy sex for money.
A group of Swedish researchers found that men with lower incomes buy sex more often. But overall, education levels and income played little role. Storbecken explains that men from all walks of life, from 18 to well over 70, seek help. They are both lonely and family people, men who are unemployed and well-educated in high positions.
One-time event or regular customer?
Men who seek help have different stories of buying sex. Some enjoy this joy once in a lifetime, with friends, for example, while traveling. Others have paid for sex often and for decades. But one thing is clear – many men who have used escort services are ashamed of it. “Often they have a partner and children, and then they are tormented by remorse. They may feel that they are acting against their morals, and that is a bad feeling, ”says Storbecken.
Some men are in a relationship, but they do not live up to their desires. Some are unable to manage other areas of their lives, some are unable to find a partner and feel like failures when trying to meet. Buying sex can take over, and many men in relationships have not told anyone. They lie and keep it a secret, so buying sex becomes a bit like other types of addictions.
Conclusions
When asked whether men who buy sex are different from those who do not, we can make it clear that those who have paid for sex have different socio-economic backgrounds but are more satisfied with their sex lives. They have less sex than they would like on a daily basis, experience online sexual activity, and are often active users of pornography compared to men who have not paid for sex.
It’s not just about climate, food choices, and how active we are – pollution can also affect our fertility, libido and even the size of the male penis.
According to the Environmental and Reproductive Health Epidemiologist Dr. According to Dr. Shanna H. Swan, the modern world today threatens sperm counts by altering the reproductive development of men and women and damaging the future of the human race. This woman studies the correlation between smaller penises, lower sperm counts, and the use of industrial chemicals in everyday products.
“Chemicals in our environment and unhealthy lifestyles upset our hormonal balance”
The author of the study has previously participated in a similar study on the decrease of sperm count between 1973 and 2011. The new Dr. Swan’s study reveals how industrial pollution and chemicals cause low sperm counts, affect fertility rates – a modern man, she writes, not only has half the amount of sperm that his grandfather had, but the penis itself is smaller.
“Chemicals in our environment and an unhealthy lifestyle upset our hormonal balance, causing varying degrees of reproductive problems,” she says. “In some parts of the world, an average twenty-year-old woman is less fertile today than her grandmother at the age of 35.”
According to Dr. According to Swan, this “global existential crisis” reduces the number of sperm and leads directly to a decrease in penis size and testicular size. “The current state of reproductive problems cannot continue for much longer without endangering human survival,” writes Dr. Svona. ‘Of the five possible criteria which endanger a species, only one must be met; the current human situation corresponds to at least three. “
Dr. Swan also explores how contaminants can affect our libido, explaining that “We found a link between female phthalate levels and their sexual satisfaction” researchers in China found that workers with higher levels of bisphenol A in the blood, commonly known as BPA, were more likely to experience sexual problems, including reduced libido. “
So are we destined to experience that future generations will have fewer and fewer penises, or can we do something about it?
According to Swan, buying organic products and using plastic as little as possible in everyday life will help prevent the effects of chemicals on the individual. She even recommends eating home-cooked meals instead of eating out, as food packs and gloves used by restaurant staff transfer phthalates to food, which then enters the body.
If not for the sake of the environment, then it is time to fight pollution to protect our penises and civilization. As Swan writes, “We must do everything we can to protect our fertility, the destiny of humanity and the planet.”
Roughly similar levels of libido between partners are undeniably an essential part of a harmonious relationship, but research shows that it is precisely different sexual habits that are a prerequisite for lasting and years of passion and sexual compatibility, according to ”Women’s Health”.
The study, as published in Personality and Social Psychology, recorded the sexual habits of 304 heterosexual couples, the level of satisfaction with the particular relationship and its intimate sphere, the status of the relationship, perceptions of their quality of sex, the duration of the relationship, and desires and sexual fantasies.
Participants aged 18 to 65 also found habits and things that did not satisfy them in their partner’s behavior during intimate intimacy, naming the main factors they would like to change in this regard.
As a result, it is concluded that it is different, not similar sexual habits, desires, and fantasies that are the basis of harmonious sex life.
Respectively, intimate intimacy in the participants of the relationship will create more positive emotions if one of the partners is dominant, but the other likes to obey, etc.
However, according to the study leaders, this is not surprising. It is only natural that a successful relationship in both daily and sexual life is formed when the participants of the relationship complement each other, thus creating a mutual balance in all areas of life.
How to gain not only physical pleasure but also emotional fulfilment while making love? How to turn moments together into a sensual adventure that strengthens the connection? To make it easier for you to find answers to these questions, we offer professional advice. That will help for improving a couple’s sexual relationship, provided by 100-year-old sex therapist Shirley Zussman.
Find out what you want and don’t be afraid to get it
“If I could turn back time, I would advise every woman to be more aggressive in taking care of her sexual desires,” Zussman said, urging women to explore their bodies, identify sexual desires, and not be afraid to discuss them with a loved one.
Neatliec mīlēšanos uz vēlāku laiku
The rushing, staggering and innumerable duty-filled daily causes us to put aside our desires and needs, resulting in sexual life and partnerships generally suffering first.
“Despite the busy schedule, free up time to make love. You don’t always need hours of foreplay – often ten minutes of quality sex will greatly improve your well-being and mood,” the therapist recommends.
Ievies savu seksa “svētnīcu”
When you have finally managed to set aside time for a love life that may already be covered in dust. It is time to free the bedroom from clear reminders about the work to be done.
“Today’s women’s bedrooms are actually study rooms. A TV, a computer, a phone set to charge and document folders. All that reduce sensuality and the ability to focus solely on one’s own and one’s partner’s well-being.
Free your bedroom from work – related items as much as possible by putting candles and fresh flowers in their place. That will create a romantic and playful mood, “suggests Zussman.
Nebaidies uzdrīkstēties
To surprise your partner, you do not always need a significant arsenal with a variety of sex toys. Instead, you can choose underwear that you don’t usually wear and surprise your partner with a much more spicy image.
Also, don’t be afraid to fantasise and indulge in a little daring, if you want to – the most important thing in this situation is not to do anything playful and artificial.
Seksam nav jābūt ekstrēmam
Glowing love can take place both in the stopped elevator and in the old, right marriage bed. Do not try to have sex for all sorts of times in the most extreme moments, hoping to wake up a little passion. The most important thing is to make love when you really want to and to do it according to your wishes, not to chase after generally accepted standards.
Never forget about foreplay
Touches, caresses and kisses bring pleasure to both women and men. Don’t rush to start the act yourself until you have fully enjoyed each other’s intimacy during the foreplay.
Don’t be afraid of the tiredness of love life
Every healthy woman has a desire for physical intimacy. If you feel that you are unable to get excited and enjoyed by making love, talk about it with your partner, rather than accepting the current situation by blaming yourself.
“Often women live a lifetime and don’t even know what good sex is. If you keep quiet about your desires and don’t get pleasure from making love, you will probably stay that way,” the therapist sums up.
Your relationship has not become serious, but it can definitely be defined as more than a series of random dates. You meet often, but you usually spend the weekends alone. In the evenings, you make passionate love, not meet each other’s friends, and he is not afraid to learn more about you, despite regular expressions of attention. As a result, you will probably feel confused not being able to understand the real intentions of the new hook and whether the air castles you have built will soon begin to collapse. To prevent this from happening, get acquainted with the characteristics of men’s health, which are characteristic of men who are only interested in sex – they are not interested in building a serious relationship and they prefer only passionate, but short-term sexual intercourse.
He is not interested in foreplay
Although you like to spend time caressing and kissing, thus taking care of his pleasure, your partner usually tries to “do everything to the end” as soon as possible, without thinking about more sophisticated touches and more thoughtful love instead of ordinary sex.
He does not introduce you to his friends
If he perceived you as a potential long-term relationship partner, you would be introduced to his friends and individual relatives, as well as colleagues and members of the sports club who happened to meet on the street.
He does not ask about your job, family, friends or hobbies
Men who are bound by a woman only as a sexual partner are not interested in her life outside of this relationship, in order to prevent themselves from being involved in solving the woman’s various problems and in life in general.
He doesn’t have time for dates you won’t fall in love with
Picnic on the weekend, going to the cinema or theater, shopping together… He does not have time for activities that do not involve making love and they seem uninteresting, despite your repeated suggestions to go somewhere together.
He calls to invite you over
You often receive his calls, but most of them are expected in the evening, while he is having fun with friends and wants a continuation of the evening, which is expected to arrive at his home at the end of the evening, at a time convenient for him.
He despises friends’ partners
If he regularly criticizes his friends’ beloved women, emphasizing that they have started behaving like a married couple, you know that your partner is definitely not interested in building a serious relationship.
Your belongings must not remain with him
No matter how distracted in other areas, a man who is only interested in sex will always make sure that your things do not stay in his dwelling, because every time you meet may be the last – if you destroy him or have a new object of lust? An unnecessary visit, returning after forgotten things, would be inconvenient for both of you.
He never stays for breakfast
Breakfast after a night together is intimate and creates a feeling of closeness. If you only dream of a shared breakfast, you know that it will stay that way.
He sexualizes everything
You tell him about the presentation led at work and he makes assumptions about how sexy you looked in a business suit and glasses? You find that you fixed the faucet yourself, but he starts fantasizing about you in the bathroom? If anything that happens in your daily life is sexualized, you know that this is how he perceives you – as a time-consuming object of sex.
Nowadays, when sex has become a cult, it is hard to believe that a relationship can exist without physical intimacy. Telling exactly what love is can be a daunting task. Many scholars believe that love is a state of euphoria that takes over a person in love. Love makes both men and women look at the world around them with different eyes. Nowadays, love has many different forms, and only those in love can determine what form of relationship satisfies them. Some prefer love without sex or, in other words, love from a distance. But does such love bring joy and happiness?
VIRTUAL LOVE
The age of technical progress has given man such a thing as the Internet. With its help, we communicate, but communication means friendship and such an interesting form of love as love from a distance or love without the presence of sex. Different generations have mixed views on this type of relationship. Some believe that this cannot be the case, but the fact that different people from different countries, as in everyday life, meet on the Internet and fall in love is a real reality of our time. Easy and liberating contact, which grows into trust, is able to give birth to feelings of love. Lovers come in contact for hours, even months and years. If it’s not love, then what?
LOVE BY PHONE
Another form of love without sex caused by modern scientific-technical progress via mobile phones. Conversation with a partner, his voice, the manner of conversation can also evoke feelings of love. Waiting for another call and conversation immerses the person in love in a pleasant euphoria. Practice shows that love without sex exists rather than does not exist. For example, an unmarried woman falls in love with a man during a vacation at a resort. The vacation ends, everyone goes to their side, but she can’t forget her loved one and the relationship continues, only now over the phone. And such cases are not uncommon. So distance is not an obstacle to love.
LOVE FROM DISTANCE
In addition to the above-mentioned forms of love, there are various life situations, when married couples also spend a long time without each other, for example, when going on a business trip or work in other countries. However, the lack of sex during this period does not prevent them from thinking about each other, constantly calling or corresponding. Their love lives in thoughts and memories. Many live in this regime for years, maintaining warm feelings and confidence in the other half. Some are satisfied with this form of love due to their temperament, others sublimate their sexual desire in art or hard physical/intellectual work. Some families break up but often love wins over all distances. It can be said with confidence that such families exist, so there is also love from a distance and without sex.
INTEGRATED SURRENDER OF INTIMITY
Some young people voluntarily give up sex, believing that intimate relationships interfere with spiritual development and getting to know the other person. There is even a whole movement in the United States that marries each other based on spiritual desire one after another.
IS A STABLE RELATIONSHIP POSSIBLE WITHOUT SEX?
Love – it is an emotional desire for the other person, spiritual closeness, compassion and respect for each other, a state of joy and happiness to contact the loved one, the desire to be with him every moment, to live with his worries and problems, the ability and desire to accept the other, as he is, with all his good qualities and also his shortcomings.
All the above forms can be called love, and yet love without sex is not complete – it lacks physical sensations. Therefore, emotions do not find a way out, and over time, the partner may experience a nervous breakdown, which inevitably provokes disputes.
This is how it is arranged in nature – love and sex are closely related to each other, and if there are no intimate contacts in the relationship, even the tiniest feelings can cool down over time.
It’s a destructive feeling when you find out that the other party is cheating on you. Everything you have believed in before collapses. Self-esteem collapses first, then dreams of a common future. There is total confusion. What do I have to say now? Pretend I don’t know anything? Watch? Wait? Maybe move on? Maybe not serious? Fight? Scratch your eyes? Do with the same?
And who is ultimately to blame? No, not me! But maybe I do? It is said that the beam alone does not burn. So both. But how exactly? Too little attention to each other? No, it can’t be! But I care, I talk, I am interested, we go to events together, the holidays are always together.
Then maybe too much? Also unlikely – last week we each rested with our friends….
Yes, sex !!! Lately and less often… Yes, it’s my fault – I have to work on diversity. Now there are so many interesting solutions – traditional and non-traditional. I read about vumbilding somewhere . Be sure to sign up for the lesson! Somehow it would work!
One way or another, men and women around the world are still fighting fraud with different emotions and solutions, looking for a reason, an explanation, a cure and a guarantee for future cases. What a curse for all men, because somewhere you read that men are genetically polygamous, the tendency to sleep with as many women as possible. Others even suffer from sex addiction. So what are you going to do there? The solution is either to come to terms with the constant side steps, or the choice to live with a neutered cat, focus on a career or donate your life to children.
Someone else is convinced that there is a spell of guilt, because while it is clear that a man is like a man, but just drinks, it works magic and the man is away in the blue, in his favorite embrace. So vicious.
Another is to blame for pregnancy or breastfeeding – which I can start in THIS form, now all the others are prettier, tidier. Chest slips, hips rounded, belly stretched.
Or friends have an adverse effect – they already have such unhealthy interests, my invertebrates are treated towards me and seduced into fornication.
Sex does not match, one wants something unacceptable, but the other sticks to their traditions and refuses to try anything new. Then they say – well, let’s run to do those abominations, because I’ll never do it.
However, the cause is always sought both on the surface of the earth and on the outside of the Internet, and it is desirable to receive an explanation that also has a solution method. Small breasts / obesity / small (too big) member / insufficient education / low income / non-conversation / lack of common hobbies and similar faults, which are always followed by actions, are considered a plausible reason.
Increasing or decreasing operation, slimming, learning, changing jobs, increasing income, pronouncing, a completely failed trip with a man to the hated rally. And it works. Temporarily. Till the next time. Because there is no reason in those external matters. The reason is quite simple – it is unwillingness to be with each other. When there is a feeling that one listens more understandably elsewhere, loves to caress, prepares tastier, presents more generously, responds more passionately, rejoices in meeting and less blames something. It’s not always even “out there” sex. Well, well – have sex.
But more often than not, under the pretext of sex, people are actually looking for a way out of a depressing family relationship, an interlocutor, a kindred soul.
It is naive to think that finding out these reasons and learning the necessary behaviors will have the same result as in those left-wing relationships. There was nothing. Nothing can be done artificially. Or rather, you can, but for a while. As long as you have the strength to control yourself, to discipline, to adapt. But how long can we write with the other hand? How long can we be nice when we want to cry? How long can we keep silent if the flood of words suffocates? How far can you go by car if you put in first gear and mention 100?
Why don’t you want to be together?
Because it’s not good. There is no mutual interest in each other. What’s exciting for one is naive and silly for the other. There is no single goal. Children and house building do not count. Due to public pressure, everyone initially wants it. But the goals must be – to work a little and enjoy the opportunities provided by life a lot / to work wholeheartedly for all possible comforts / exploring the world / detailed everyday pleasures in the family. If such a tool and the enjoyer form a pair, sooner or later one of the parties will sag – either physically or emotionally. One will always feel overwhelmed, but the other will feel guilty for having done too little. Everyone speaks their own language. One always sees shortcomings, the other is already tired, showing the positive aspects of life, where shortcomings can always be found.
It is not by agreement that men go to hunt in the dark and cold, throwing a bow to a responsive soul on the way. And it is not behind the wives of great love that they go alone or with their girlfriends on trips, where they gladly indulge in a small splurge of the resort.
This is because there is no compatibility. And it is not determined by our will, training, pronunciation, or proper behavior.
How many people would live much more easily if they knew that much of their success and frustration in relationships was due to different types of mutual “intolerance.” Just like there are medications that cause more side effects than cures, there are relationships where great love and beautiful dreams for the future simply go away because there is “nausea” – reproach, silence, emotional abuse, contempt, underestimation, sawing, ultimatums, indifference.
It seems as it may be – we started so beautifully, we really loved, sex was, good professions, a person from a good family, brought up… We wholeheartedly believed that we would meet, that we would not be like others, that we would teach , let’s know, let’s listen more, let’s talk more. Where did it stay?
Nothing was left anywhere because in fact everything was decided for such an outcome from the very beginning. Because it requires nature. How exactly? Stop, listen, waste a few hours of your time to understand yourself and other people, find out that it is not really your fault, and live a conscious, happy life with relief and a new clear view of people and situations.
Dear women, have you ever wondered why sex did not give you the pleasure you dreamed and expected? Probably you are. Why did it happen and how do you get what you want from sex? The main problem that often causes women to become dissatisfied with sex is their personal fears. For them, sex is like a minefield – full of unexpected surprises. The very fact that something from the outside world enters them is a stress to the body and mind. Not to mention the other “dangers” that lie in love. So what fears prevent women from getting real pleasure from sex?
I’m not perfect
The biggest fear of a woman is – he will see me naked. “Oh, horror, I have a pimple on my back, cellulite on the bottom, I haven’t epilated the bikini area” and so on. The fear that the man will study you in detail does not allow you to relax and makes it impossible to have a proper rest, where you can still enjoy it. Therefore, during the night of love, you tried to pull your stomach, give up your hair beautifully, lie down in the best position, in short, do everything else, just not in the mood for sex.
In fact: The moment you finally get to bed with him, the man is indifferent to such stuff. Of course, he wanted it because you are physically attractive to him, but he does not appreciate your body by the millimeter, he wants you and completely, with all the disadvantages and all the advantages. So stop analyzing your inconsistency with an imaginary ideal and just enjoy sex with your loved one. Don’t be ashamed of yourself – once a man has chosen you, then he is completely satisfied with you!
I don’t understand anything
You feel that you will not be able to give a man pleasure, because you just do not know or do not want to do some things in bed. For example, you don’t consider yourself a champion of “oral sex” or maybe you haven’t had sex in a while and you feel like you’ve forgotten how TO do it.
In fact: Of course, in life we gain some experience. But don’t forget the most important thing – every love is unique. There is no specific scheme, it is everyone’s “how” and “what to do”. People who want each other and are ready to give each other pleasure just meet. Maybe your previous partner liked something, but the current one is excited about something else. Relax and try to feel what the other wants. And if suddenly something goes wrong, he can say it or otherwise show it and steer in the right direction.
He doesn’t love me
The thought that he will not want to see you after sex can become a serious obstacle to pleasure. Of course, we all want sex to be directly related to deeper personal relationships, mutual feelings, mutual admiration, and so on, but that’s not always the case, and sometimes sex is just sex. Understanding this can be really painful and sad.
In fact: If you go to bed with a man, there is no point in analyzing the possible emotional consequences. Both because they are quite unpredictable, and because even if your long-term relationship is not long-lasting, it is better to treat it as a pleasant adventure. Yes, it’s true, men are the ones who have sex more often, as they say, because of the sex itself, but if your partner is attractive to you, why not be tempted?
If I do TO, then he will think I am…
It happens that a woman has desires and fantasies in sex, for which she is a little ashamed. For example, someone likes that a man is a little rude during sex or whispers rude words in his ear. “What if he thinks I’m some kind of pervert?” – the woman is worried and quietly silent about her wishes.
In fact: Of course, on the first night together, it would not be desirable to make all your sexual fantasies known. And not just because he might misunderstand it, but just because you need to get to know each other a little bit in the beginning, you need to assess how your sexual temperament and passion match. If you agree, then be sure to tell us about your wishes. The purpose of sex, however, is to bring pleasure, and the man will only be happy with your “leading instructions.”
I will offend him
Fear of insulting a man in some way forces a woman to endure… For example, a man acts too fast, but you endure in silence – “what if I offend his self-esteem ?! It’s better not to say anything. ” As a result, no one is happy, and you have unpleasant memories of meeting, you may not have an orgasm at all.
In fact: Who can really hurt a man? Depicted orgasm, your tense and turned face, because maybe you even have pain. Don’t think that a man is so blind that he will not even notice your suffering during sex. Therefore, if you do not like something, if it hurts, it is uncomfortable, unpleasant – tell your partner immediately. Of course, as delicate as possible; gentle but convincing.
And if now…?
If the condom breaks, will I stretch my leg, will the ceiling fall or will the end of the world come? No, it’s better not to start at all, otherwise communicate what else might happen.
In fact: If you are afraid of unplanned pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases, discomfort during intercourse – it is quite logical. Therefore, in order not to spoil the pleasures of sex, you must prepare in advance. Use condoms or other contraceptives. If you are afraid of physical discomfort, it is possible to use special lubricants and gels. You are a grown woman, and you have to think about your safety and your comfort before making love, so that you only think about sex during sex.
So, dear women, if you and your husband have come to the bedroom, just relax and enjoy!
Good sex is… good! But great sex is even better – that’s why it’s worth trying to combine all seven fantastic sex ingredients into one whole. For sex to succeed, all you need is you, him and so much passion to spark through the air, right? Yes, but passion alone does not arise. Even if you fall on top of each other with lustful eyes, the desire to make love may suddenly disappear, and you still do not understand what has gone wrong. In fact, for sex to be really great, there are seven important aspects to consider. If none of these components are in your relationship, then… we hope you manage to stay good friends.
Consistent body odor
It would probably not be too nice if you smelled the top aroma of this season, but the other one would still use the same eau de toilette that was bought when you first shaved. But much more important is whether your body’s natural scents – pheromones – are consistent. For example, it may happen that a man who has just come out of the shower, in your opinion, does not smell very pleasant. Turns out our fault is our fault. Studies show that couples with similar DNA avoid sexual intercourse because they are unknowingly afraid to have genetically weak offspring. But it can also be that a man who is definitely not in your taste suddenly finds you very sexually attractive – because his body smells different enough from yours, thus guaranteeing that your offspring will be healthy.
Limited time
If you have ever watched porn movies, then you will have noticed that super passionate sex in these movies can last for hours. Most women will probably think that after something like this you can live in blisters. And they are right – because great sex is not a marathon all night long. In fact, we make love for an average of 7 to 13 minutes. And according to a US study, most women (and men) are satisfied with sex that lasts at least three minutes, while if love lasts longer than 15 minutes, then sex is already starting to get tiring. So tell your friend that in this case, quality is really more important than quantity.
Sense of humor
Each of us knows the importance of a good sense of humor in relationships with friends. The same goes for the bedroom. When it comes to sex, a sense of humor can be crucial. For example, his obscene jokes may make you laugh not at what you say, but at yourself, or his silly replicas may not seem funny to you at all. what is it about, isn’t it? And if a woman claims that her new boyfriend is very nice, only he does not have a good sense of humor, he is actually fooling himself.
Time for everyone for themselves
When you are just in love, sex is usually very passionate and you want to spend every free moment together. But over time, being together all the time can start to seem claustrophobic – and it can also have a negative effect on your sex life. Psychotherapist Estere Perilla, author of the book Mating in Captivity (Harper Paperbacks, 2007), recommends scheduling time without each other, not immediately revealing all your hidden sexual fantasies to your partner, and developing your own interests. This way you will both feel like individuality, not as an appendage to each other.
Eye contact
Quite a few couples, whose period of love is already behind them, look less and less into each other’s eyes. However, eye contact is not only important for your out-of-bed communication. It can also turn sex into a very special adventure because non-verbal communication is one of the most important aspects in bed. Eye contact can also stimulate the release of the happiness hormone oxytocin in the brain, which will give your relationship much more softness and intimacy. According to research at the University of Stirling and Aberdeen, prolonged out-of-bed sighting almost eight times increases your attractiveness to the opposite sex. It’s worth keeping an eye on!
Money
No one is saying that fantastic sex with a man who is in financial difficulties is not possible, but research has shown that women who make love to rich men are more likely to reach orgasm. Quite honestly. “For women, the incidence of orgasms increases in proportion to a man’s income,” said Thomas Paul, a psychologist at Newcastle University in the UK. “By choosing materials to provide a man, we subconsciously show our desire for stability,” he says. It is possible that rich men are simply more confident both in business and giving you pleasure in bed. In any case, the choice of sexual partners according to their income may not be quite correct – but scientists should not argue with them.
X factor
This is the most mysterious aspect of sex, others also call it the chemistry of feelings, but in any case, it is one of the most important components of sex. If you lack it in your relationship, then you may have very good sex, you may have an orgasm, but you will never have the fantastic feeling that you are like in the seventh heaven. The X factor doesn’t depend on how much you like each other – he may find you very sexually attractive at first, but over time, sex becomes mediocre, and it both disappoints you. The chemistry of feelings is something that cannot be expressed in words – when his most imperceptible touch can drive you crazy. You may not even be in love with each other. You may not even know each other’s names – either it’s between you or not.
Everyday worries, stress, fatigue – all this affects the sex life. When we run like a squirrel on a wheel, we tend to neglect ourselves and our partner, but is that right? Do you need to make love if you don’t want to – just for duty? This question is answered by two experts.
SEX “BY DUTY” – YES, BECAUSE LOVE CAN “LIFT YOU”. ANSWERED BY PSYCHOTHERAPIST KRISTĪNE AŠMANE
Yes or no – it depends on the situation and the couple. If the couple has a good relationship, the partners have a desire to understand each other, there is mutual openness, trust, and respect, then even if fatigue has occurred and it seems that they do not want anything anymore, love can “take wing”. In addition, it is easier to fall asleep afterwards. Often women’s ‘no’ actually means ‘yes’. To feel this, the partners need to get to know each other well enough – it doesn’t matter how many years the couple has been together, more importantly, how often they spend time in quality negotiations. So, if there is equality and balance in the relationship, the couple knows each other enough, love is allowed, even if at first it seems that they do not want to.
I am not talking about forced sex – physical, emotional, or duty (for religious reasons). That is another matter. As long as one does not have a deep desire to approach the other intimately, one does not have to, because it can hurt oneself. And if the partner is mature and truly loves, he will not fully enjoy such “coercion”.
Bitterness can be unconsciously expressed in society by saying something bad about a spouse
Suppose a wife makes love to her husband by duty. Later, her bitterness may manifest itself unconsciously. For example, in society, when others hear, she will say something nasty about her husband. Forced love can increase mutual misunderstanding, dissatisfaction, suspicion – all this grows in a relationship like weeds. In this case, it is important to talk to the husband and not about who is to blame and who is right, but about both of us – about what makes me or you feel good. It’s very difficult to do at first, but it helps.
If a woman’s refusal to make love becomes regular, it may indicate that something is wrong with the relationship. Sad if your spouse makes you feel fearful, desperate, angry, or even depressed. Other times it is no longer possible to live with it, followed by the choice not to stay in a relationship. Pronunciation helps to prevent this. Of course, there are crises in a marriage or partnership, and it is not always easy to develop, but for life’s crises to rise, the security base must be stable. And even if one gets tired, the other can set the tone. This is the benefit of the partnership. If the relationship is equal, no one will have a hard time saying that they do not want to make love. And there are situations when it is natural – after a long day of work or when the baby grows up in the family. Honestly, courtesy of each other, you can explain why you don’t want to. It is important not to offend each other. In addition, you can approach in other ways, without making the other feel excluded or ignored. Although sex is important because a relationship cannot exist without it, it is not the only form of intimacy. Recent psychological research shows that closeness, tenderness, attention, and concern for each other, the quality of relationships is more than sex. Of course, full-fledged sex or love unites it all.
Man is a flexible being who gets used to everything – even to life without sex. But do you have to get used to it if you can do otherwise? If a woman refuses to make love too often, she sheds herself, and this can affect a man. The possible consequences are different. Whether a man will seek happiness and pleasure in other sheets will depend on the maturity of his personality. If a woman’s behavior does not affect her and if she has a high enough self-confidence, she will not be afraid to ask her woman and solve these problems. It would be nice if a man had not only an interest in the rarity of making love, but also a desire to understand and be interested in what is happening. It may be that a woman does not want to make love to her other half because there is a misunderstanding in the relationship. This can encourage looking for another partner. In the event of persistent, insurmountable, and unresolved difficulties in an existing partnership,
A man who is more sexually active can also manage to move a tired loved one
As I said, no woman can often mean yes, only until a man unleashes her with kind words, touches, and caresses, she doesn’t know it. If there is harmony between the partners, it is not difficult to set yourself in love. The role of foreplay is crucial. A man as a more sexually active person, feeling the limits, not only his passion, could manage to move his beloved, even if she is tired. Foreplay doesn’t just have to start in bed. Even better if it starts in everyday situations. Women should love themselves and be a little challenging and coveted, men will notice it! You may ignite yourself in passion. And where it is said to fall in love only in the evening, when fatigue is really great. To get the day off to a good start, change afterward can be done in the morning. Maybe at noon? If the couple is creative, free, and relaxed, finding time to make love to each other will not be a problem.
If you feel that you cannot free your mind from everyday problems and find it difficult to have sex, talk to your spouse. Tell him what you think right now. It is not true that everyday events do not need to be discussed in bed. It is sometimes the best place to listen to each other, and if love is followed by mutual conversation, hearing, and understanding, it can really be full and enjoyable.
How often a couple should make love – there is no such formula. One couple needs it every day, another three times a week, or once a month. Each couple finds their own rhythm of love. But women need to be prepared that men want sex more often. This is not just a stereotype. Nature has given men more sexual energy and aggression, which is necessary for motivation in life to achieve and win in small doses. Therefore, mostly men bring mammoths at home – they are careerists and take care of their families materially.
SEX BY DUTY – NO, BECAUSE IT CAN HAVE SERIOUS CONSEQUENCES. ANSWERS SEXOLOGIST ARTURS ŠULCS
Unwanted sex is not necessary, as it can have serious consequences. Women who make love reluctantly, due to a duty to their husband or for some other reason, meet in one institution – an oncology hospital. During sex, the body undergoes physiological changes, which are different in the case of unwanted sex and the times when lovemaking is voluntary. If sex is desired, these changes pass through the body like a huge wave – it is called an orgasm – a feeling of full enjoyment, and physiologically it manifests itself in the relaxation of the small pelvis and other muscles of the body. It has a positive effect on all organ systems. If sex is unwanted, the woman is unable to get rid of, is partially aroused, but is not taken to orgasm. There is no relaxation, on the contrary – there is constant tension, especially in the small pelvis and also in the chest. If there is no natural relaxation once – nothing, but if it is repeated regularly, there is a physiological congestion in the small pelvis and chest, which can lead to oncological diseases. I have been a teacher in several oncology camps, and women who are being treated for breast or other cancers involved in sexual intercourse have admitted that they have had sex problems, sex has not brought joy and pleasure. That’s why it’s important to make love when you really want to. This is possible if being with the other party creates positive emotions, there is a corresponding mood and situation. Fast sex on the washing machine in the bathroom, while the baby is sleeping, can be okay, but only if it gives a woman pleasure.
Why does a woman give up sex? Maybe she has unconventional desires
Why a woman does not want sex is the next question. It is possible that she has had a traumatic experience in the past, been sexually abused, that her first sexual intercourse was painful, or that her husband did not respect her wishes in a previous relationship. Therefore, when meeting a good man, it is difficult for her to get rid of sexually. She wants a family, a loving relationship, hugs, but when she comes to sex, the brakes come on. The second reason why a woman often refuses to make love is that she is probably not heterosexually oriented. If she does not like men but likes women (or likes partners of both sexes), it must be accepted and confidently realize her intimate desires, not suffer. Stupid if she tries to hide it by forming a heterosexual relationship that will eventually be doomed to break up.
The third reason – changes in the hormonal system, when the amount of sex hormones responsible for sexuality decreases. There are women who have admitted that using the hormonal method of contraception loses the desire for an intimate relationship. It can also be caused by daily worries, financial problems, stress – people are so worried that they cannot afford sex. It is not easy for a child, both wife, and husband, to resume sexual life when a child enters the family. Fatigue often prevails. If reluctance becomes regular, it is a problem that definitely needs to be addressed. A relationship without love is not a relationship, it is just living together. And it is not difficult for a husband or wife to get used to not making love. Just as we get used to a broken arm or leg – we learn not to move it, but when removing the plaster, the muscles of the injured limb have atrophied and have to be moved again. The genitals are similar. If sex is not, the organs and muscles involved in this process, as if asleep, and resume sex is very difficult, it has lost quality.
Sexually dissatisfied people are aggressive, angry and aggressive
How often should you make love? It’s different for every couple. If you do not want sex one night, it is normal, but if you have not had sex with a loved one for more than a week or even months and you feel that the man is dissatisfied, you are not satisfied, you argue a lot in everyday situations, then you know – the problem is not what you just spoke, the problem must be found in bed. Sex has been shown to improve the quality of life. A person who regularly loves radiates is good, loving, and fruitful in ideas and in his actions, he enjoys life. Sexually satisfied people stabilize society, wanting to work increases too. Sexually dissatisfied people who lack caress are aggressive, angry and offensive. If that’s what your husband becomes, you know – your’ no ‘in bed has become too common. As I said, it is not the duty of a wife to simply sleep with her husband because, in order for him to get what he wanted, both must want to love. Therefore, first of all, the situation of reluctance must be addressed by speaking. It is important if a man thinks about it and asks you what can be done so that you still want to make love.
I have noticed that there are people who are ashamed even to reveal to their loved ones what they think and what they want. If a woman does not tell her husband what gives her joy and pleasure, then it is likely that the man will act as before, and the woman will not get what she wanted, and the joy of love will also fade. If you want longer foreplay, say so. A man would like to do it, but often does not even know what a woman wants… She is not taught at school. Both partners should tell each other what they want, what they like, what they like. Don’t be shy about your fantasies. Share them. They don’t have to be implemented right away but talk together about whether and how you can implement them. If you know that you are very tired in the evenings, think about whether you should go to bed for an hour when you come home from work. Thus, you will be relaxed and will be able to tune in to the joys of love.
Talk to your loved one candidly and find out what makes the other happy
It’s hard to make love with someone you don’t have emotional contact with. This means that you have to spend time with your other half not only in bed but also outside. Go to the cinema, to the theater, go hiking. The best foreplay that ignites is dancing. Attend salsa, tango, or ballroom dance nights together. Dances will teach you how to contact each other, how to touch sensually. Dance can lead to ecstasy, especially for a woman. The foreplay can also start in the morning, when the wife, accompanying her husband to work, gives a farewell kiss or sends a nice text message during the day. Thus, making love becomes a natural and pleasurable part of the relationship, not forced labor or duty that the spouses have to perform. If the couple does not give each other emotions, there is no reason for the two to be together. Any deficit sooner or later is compensated somewhere. Emotions and pleasure will be sought either in a virtual relationship at the computer or in alcohol and gambling. And yet there will be a desire for intimacy. If they are not married, they may be in another woman’s or man’s bed. So – talk and find out how to give each other pleasure, and making love will be a happy and pleasant moment.