The debate over why women cheat, who – he or she – “goes left” more often, does not stop. However, if we know almost everything about men cheating, then women’s distrust is not usually discussed.
It seems that the time has come for the fair sex to confess their crimes as well. Yes, women cheat, even the best and right ones cheat their good and great men. Forgive them! That – first of all.
Why? There are a number of very important reasons, although they do not justify the sins of the fairer sex. Women seek love, respect, care, and understanding where they seem to have nothing to look for – away from home. The temptation of relationships, emotions, new impressions – this is what makes women become unfaithful. Sexual satisfaction is one of the last places.
Why are men unfaithful? In the male distrust algorithm, everything is the other way around. Men first look for sexual pleasure and strictly separate serious relationships (family, love, raising children) from sex. This – secondly.
Third. There are no data on the proportion of men and women who fall into sin. No statistical office will undertake to guarantee the accuracy of such figures. It is often believed that women do not cheat less often, but rather hide their side steps.
A brief look at Sanita’s first side step (4 years in marriage): “I took revenge on my husband for his left moves and felt satisfied. Double: both moral and sexual. Shame? You mean he can, but I can’t? Men justify their distrust by being polygamous. Male, breadwinner, hunter. I’m not convinced. Why swear and promise trust if you can’t fulfill it in a few years? ”
A similar story from another woman. A three-person novel. The main actors – he and she. The wife is given the role of a background. When the limit of steps taken in the direction of freedom was exhausted, the relationship grew into a game of “who hurts someone more?”. He continues to cheat. She does not live like a “role model”, either trying to forget or take revenge.
Fraud as an attempt to attract attention
Alda (16 years of family life): “I really miss my husband, or rather the person I married. The jokeman, the soul of society. He now runs a large institution, he has thousands of subordinates. Business trips, business talks, night and holiday meetings, and business dinners. It would be a sin for me to complain about material well-being. My husband’s business is not nasal, I do not follow him, I do not suspect distrust. Fuck where trouble and frustration can await me. He also seems to be satisfied with everything. Our marriage is a convenient formality. At first, I fought for a man, for his attention. Naively I think that adultery will revive a relationship, he will feel the presence of another man and will come out of his matrix. At first, this “other” was just an image of my imagination. When I received a text message or a phone call, I hurried out of the room. I changed my appearance quickly, I returned home late in the evening. Tiny tricks to make a man start to sense that something is wrong. Only I was wrong – he didn’t even notice my manipulation. On the other hand, I was already so passionate about this theater that I wanted it to be really true, I wanted to feel again that I was coveted, loved, after all, at least “visible”.
Dissatisfied with sex life
Women also need sex, and often no less than men. In this respect, we are the same – if we do not get something where we deserve it, then we look elsewhere. It’s not about some mystical guilt. Also in the married life given to the giver returns. But if the duty is not fulfilled, women’s distrust becomes one of the possible scenarios. Veronika has lived with her husband for nine years, now they have been living together as a “brother and sister” for five years, twice a week she regularly stays in “meetings” with her colleague Mārtiņš. “I do not know if he has any suspicions. Just a platonic relationship is not for me. My husband calmly realizes that we have not been close for months. On the other hand, I am not ready to run with my forehead on the wall just because it is a natural physiological requirement for me, just like eight hours of sleep or exercise! ”
“Mazdrusciņ – does not count”
For some good, side steps are in the “genes”. They are as common as tooth brushing. Fast, easy, and natural. Fortunately, most women are very worried about their conscience and know that it is good to do it with their husband, but badly with their neighbor. However, no one is insured against mistakes. For Irena, the fun corporate party ended with sex in the car. The next morning she collected the belongings and left the boy with whom she had lived for a month. He left without explaining anything, and that, of course, hurt the boy’s self-confidence even more. To this day, he has not understood what has been so cruelly punished. He is now avoiding serious relationships, preferring one-night stands.
At a distance from home, women sometimes behave illogically. 29-year-old Alice says: “During a business trip or vacation by the sea, I feel completely free. There is no child, no husband, no endless explanation of the relationship with the mother-in-law. At that time, I was neither a wife, nor a mother, nor a widow. I am a young, attractive woman. After I finished breastfeeding my second child, my girlfriend and I flew to Turkey to rest. I remember the first day badly, but the next morning I woke up with a terrible headache in the braces of a tanned Spanish boy. I ran out of the hotel room and for several days or crazy minds, it seemed to me to burn with shame. Wanted to call her husband and tell him everything. Common sense returned on the fourth day. Yes, I made a mistake, but I reduced my stress, I did the wrong thing, but I regret it. In the morning I woke up next to the same Spaniard. Distrust at home is taboo for me, I never allow myself to even look at another man. However, when I leave the usual area, I feel as if someone has broken the stopcock, and I am no longer responsible for my actions. The feeling of guilt makes you feel. ”
Distrust as a way of maintaining a stable marriage
Inese is 43 years old and has been legally married for 21 years. “When you get married, no one tends to make plans to decide or become unfaithful. There is only a desire to live long and happy. However, no one knows how to do it, the trial and error method is used. The younger generation is looking for diversity in life and sex but believes that the family must be preserved. I think that makes sense. The family is the foundation of society. Destroying it for temporary pleasure is too wasteful. Having sex with someone else, when the spouses are unsuspecting or pretending to be unsuspecting, gives the couple a new impetus, revives the calm flow of life. You know you are still coveted. Your husband feels it and the family is stable. Jealousy scenes or flirtations between people who have lived together for more than 20 years are worth it. Because mistrust of women is not the worst solution to the situation. “
Aija, 35: “I ruined an ideal marriage with my own hands. I pay for distrust. If I had the opportunity, would I give up love for the sake of marriage? Now I think – yes. I put the horns on the best man in the world because I played, I considered passion to be the “love of life”. I myself initiated the divorce, throwing my head forward into a new family life. But the wonderful idyll soon ended. Everyday life began, so the routine, problems, relationship explanation. And his shocking statement: “You will leave him so easily that you will be out of me if you meet someone richer and younger. I don’t trust you. “
Is everyone to blame?
If a man cheats, the woman is to blame: he is somehow missing or somehow too much; if the woman has been unfaithful, it is considered that the negligent husband has not set aside time for the legal wife and her duties. It is convenient to take responsibility here and there, at times one can blame the virtues, the society, and what not at all, except oneself. The game “You are guilty/guilty of everything” has long exhausted itself. How to learn to understand each other, hear and not run away from unresolved problems, but deal with them?…