When there is no more sex in a marriage, it indicates deeper problems – lack of emotional intimacy, dissatisfaction, even boredom. Whatever the reason, it points to a serious problem that should not be ignored. What if there is no place for sex in your marriage? The Fatherly portal provides advice from sexologists and couples psychotherapists.
First, find out why there is no more sex in your marriage. “The stereotypical situation where a man wants sex more than a woman has long been a myth,” says Michael Moore, a couple’s consultant. “More and more people are talking about the opposite situation. Studies show that testosterone hormone levels in men have declined over the decades, which may partly explain this trend. ”
No matter why you are no longer in love, you must first understand the problem – how long it has existed. Without looking for a way out, decisions will not come by themselves.
Find out where the problem lies
“There are countless reasons why there is no sex in a marriage, and very often it has nothing to do with the sex itself,” explains Sarah E. Clark, the couple’s counselor.
“When spouses and partners distance themselves from each other, lose touch, take each other for granted, or accumulate some irritation or frustration, sexual life is drastically affected.”
According to SE Klark, the way out of the marriage without sex is open communication: “When looking for solutions to return the sexual aspect to marriage, the main problem in the life of each couple must be revealed. If they no longer make love because sex is no longer pleasure with each other, we need to understand what is no longer appropriate in the bedroom and find new strategies that are acceptable to both of us. ”
Avoid passive aggression
Couples counselor Elizabeth Mandela Goldberg is constantly working with couples who are looking for help because there is no more sex in marriage. “I think that in such cases often one of the partners has had a novel or is still unfaithful,” explains the specialist. According to EM Goldberg, the cold in the bedroom is a reliable indicator that someone will soon start looking for sex outside the marriage bed.
“Marriage without sex is only one step away from mistrust.”
“It is serious. The couple should state their needs openly so that there is no temptation to engage in passive aggression, which is very harmful to most people, ”she emphasizes.
Remember the good old days
“Our sexual desire is affected by many things that are not always easy to notice,” explains psychotherapist Erina Parisi. “Many couples generally have different sexual temperaments.” The psychotherapist suggests asking yourself, “What part of the spectrum am I in?” She suggests asking her partner this question as well. Remember what sex was like before, what your sex life looked like at the time. “Ask your partner if he/she is happy with the current situation. What would he/she change if he could? Find time to reconnect, flirt, try new things, joke, compliment, set new goals, ”says the specialist.
Don’t expect everything to be the way it used to be
“When I work with couples who have children and no longer have sex in their marriage, I don’t tell them to just go and make love. The first step is to talk about sex. Partners with young children often face sexual problems, it is important to discuss them with love, creatively and productively, says sexologist Dan Meijer. It is generally expected that couples will simply return to their previous frequency, intensity, and quality of sex. But when there are children in the family, everything changes. On the other hand, sex life can be great again – with open communication, sex can be even better, giving more pleasure than before. ”
According to Meijer, people simply spend time saying that there is very little room for sex in marriage. She recommends simply acting and talking to each other, and if you have a hard time finding a way out, seek professional help.
Try to restore emotional intimacy
“The first step is to name everything you are unhappy within a relationship, to try to restore emotional intimacy by spending more time together, talking about intimate things, showing each other’s attention,” suggests the couple’s psychotherapist, Dr. Vaiyans Fisher. According to her, sex life is good if people feel relaxed. Anxiety and tension destroy sexual desire, then reduce sex. He suggests drawing up a love schedule: “Most partners have different libido, so there is no regular sex. A great solution is to create a kind of schedule in which sex is planned once or three times a week. ”
Don’t compare your sex life to what you see in movies
Never compare your sex life with sex in movies, especially if you want to get back the spark in your marriage bed. According to sexologists, people often compare their sex lives with what is shown in movies or television series, pornography, or with what friends tell. People mistakenly think that everyone except them likes amazing, passionate sex. Sexologists recommend that if you are worried that the bedroom things are cool, start an open, honest conversation. While it will not be easy to talk about such subtle things, on the other hand, it is an opportunity to develop new skills. If you avoid talking about sex because you are uncomfortable, you will not solve the problem.